The
five stages of grief in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s seminal 1969 work, “On Grief
and Dying”, are helpful in understanding the grief and loss associated with
marital and family breakdown.
“Denial”
gives time to adjust to the initial shock
“Anger”
is normal and can provide much needed energy for the growth process triggered
by the relationship ending
“Bargaining” in one way or another is part of
desperate last ditch attempts to reverse the process of loss
“Depression” occurs when the loss appears
inevitable and sadness threatens to engulf the grieving person
“Acceptance” heralds the end of the journey
and is accompanied by neither positive nor negative emotion, but rather by
letting go and seeking an end to the pain.
The rite of passage from a marriage or marital type
relationship to being single and the mythical journey across the River Stix
after death are similar in many ways. Grieving a loss is not a linear process
and those who grieve will go in and out of the above five stages until they are
ready to move forward. For those moving on after separation and divorce and
those who have lost partners to death, there is hope of a new and better life -
much like the believer’s afterlife. They will, however, have the best outcomes
if during recovery they are supported and advised by professionals’ sensitive
to their unique progression through the grieving process.
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