The Tragedy of Darcey Freeman

The tragic case of Darcey Freeman – the little girl who was thrown off the Westgate Bridge on 29 January 2009 - shocked a nation of people who are no longer easy to shock. Darcey tugs at all of our hearts. We all know a potential “Darcey”. She was real. She deserved a chance at life. She was let down: - By someone she loved and trusted and who should have been there to protect her; by our legal systems; by our social networks; and in some way by each of us. News reports indicate that five out of six psychiatrists attributed Darcey’s needless death to factors other than mental illness and at least one of these five to probable pre-meditated spousal revenge. We are told that threats were made to her mother – that she would “pay” and that she would not see her children again. What can we do to prevent more vulnerable little children like Darcey from meeting such a horrible and unfathomable fate? It is vital to spread the message that there are ways of resolving disputes which allow everybody – the mother, the father and especially the children - to move on from family breakdown and to have full and meaningful lives. http://bit.ly/fwztoB

The Tragedy of Darcey Freeman

The tragic case of Darcey Freeman – the little girl who was thrown off the Westgate Bridge on 29 January 2009 - shocked a nation of people who are no longer easy to shock. Darcey tugs at all of our hearts. We all know a potential “Darcey”. She was real. She deserved a chance at life. She was let down: - By someone she loved and trusted and who should have been there to protect her; by our legal systems; by our social networks; and in some way by each of us. News reports indicate that five out of six psychiatrists attributed Darcey’s needless death to factors other than mental illness and at least one of these five to probable pre-meditated spousal revenge. We are told that threats were made to her mother – that she would “pay” and that she would not see her children again. What can we do to prevent more vulnerable little children like Darcey from meeting such a horrible and unfathomable fate? It is vital to spread the message that there are ways of resolving disputes which allow everybody – the mother, the father and especially the children - to move on from family breakdown and to have full and meaningful lives. http://bit.ly/fwztoB

Managing Grief and Loss in the Context of Family Breakdown

The rite of passage from a marriage or marital type relationship to being single and the mythical journey across the River Stix after death are similar in many ways. The five stages of grief in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s seminal 1969 work, “On Grief and Dying”, are still helpful in understanding the grief and loss associated with marital and family breakdown. “Denial” gives time to adjust to the initial shock. “Anger” is normal and can provide much needed energy for the growth process triggered by the relationship ending. “Bargaining” in one way or another is part of desperate last ditch attempts to reverse the process of loss. “Depression” occurs when the loss appears inevitable and sadness threatens to engulf the grieving person. “Acceptance” heralds the end of the journey and is accompanied by neither positive nor negative emotion, but rather by letting go and seeking an end to the pain. Grieving a loss is not a linear process and those who grieve will go in and out of the above five stages until they are ready to move forward. For those moving on after separation and divorce and those who have lost partners to death, there is hope of a new and better life - much like the believer’s afterlife. They will, however, have the best outcomes if during recovery they are supported and advised by professionals sensitive to their unique progression through the grieving process. Denise Britton B Soc Wk, M Litt (Psych), MAPsS, MAASW Partner Brisbane Mediations http://bit.ly/er6rqb

Update on Shared Parenting

Update on the Shared Parenting aspects of the Family Law Act and recent decisions:

http://bit.ly/gsO8sq

Claims premarital counselling reduces risk of separation and divorce

http://bit.ly/f8Eo4h
A Catholic Priest and Protestant Pastor in Texas, USA have promoted premarital counselling as a means of reducing the risk of marriage breakdown. This is consistent with research presented at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (see National [USA] Directory of Marriage and Family Counselling) indicating that premarital counselling reduces the risk of divorce by up to 30%.

Mediating relationship disputes involving small property pools

Property settlements involving small pools are often among the hardest disputes to mediate.

The "pool" is the term lawyers use to describe the net value of the property arising from the relationship after deducting the liabilities.

The mediator must of course recognise that even a very modest pool is important to the parties.A problem that can arise is the proportion that the legal costs of the parties bears to the total size of the pool if the dispute is not resolved at mediation and has to go to court.

Regardless of the small size of the pool, the emotional issues between the parties can be just as intense and sometimes more so, with an additional layer of anger arising from a party having to move on from a low asset base.

If the matter has to proceed to court, then it must go through the same steps and stages as a more complex dispute and consequently the legal costs will still be significant, further depleting the already small pool.

The difficulty for the mediator is that he or she may know that it does not make sense for the matter to go to court, however unfortunately the disputing parties may be driven by emotion rather than logic.Regardless of the legal costs that may flow from proceeding to court, pride, emotional pain or wanting to rectify a past wrong may come between a party and settlement, with one or other or both parties refusing to compromise.This is not of course to suggest that one party should compromise for the sake of it where the other party is being totally unreasonable, however if the gap between them narrows to the point where settlement is possible then potential costs should become an issue.

The mediator can only point out the importance of trying to reach a resolution to preserve as much as possible of the pool for the parties.The mediator can feel additional pressure in these circumstances to help the parties achieve a resolution in their own interest, and feel disappointment if not successful.

Sometimes where parties are clearly acting emotionally rather than logically, the answer may lie in referring them to counselling to deal with their emotional issues before attending or returning to mediation and sense may eventually prevail with a settlement being reached before significant costs accrue.

Ultimately however it is the parties' dispute and if a resolution is not achievable then court with consequent costs may unfortunately result.

Mike Emerson

Claims premarital counselling reduces risk of separation and divorce

http://http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/news/2011/mar/11/jp_pre_marital_030511_130875/

A Catholic Priest and Protestant Pastor in Texas, USA have promoted premarital counselling as a means of reducing the risk of marriage breakdown. This is consistent with research presented at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (see National [USA] Directory of Marriage and Family Counselling) indicating that premarital counselling reduces the risk of divorce by up to 30%.

Australian peace messenger dies

http://bit.ly/fPYQWY
Stella Cornelius, prominent Australian peace activist has died at 91, leaving the message to "Create centres of loving kindness wherever you go".

Ms Cornelius was co-founder of the Conflict Resolution Network which encouraged training in alternative dispute resolution across many sectors.

She was recognised for her work with an Order of Australia, an Honorary Doctorate from Macquarie University and the title of "Peace Messenger" awarded by the United Nations. She was also acclaimed for her work by Nelson Mandela in 2000.

Her legacy is appreciated by those of us who follow her.

Interesting article regarding importance of early intervention in preventing escalation of Workplace disputes

http://www.personneltoday.com/articles/2011/03/02/57421/avoid-the-pitfalls-of-discipline-and-grievance.html

Testing the Sustainability of Your Marriage

A study by Aron and Lewandowski in New Jersey has identified a process called "self-expansion" as a key to marital success. the research found that the more self expansion people can achieve with their partners, the more satisfying their relationships. To measure this factor in marriage Dr Lewandowski has developed a quiz which measures how much people's intimate relationships expand their knowledge of themselves and make them feel positive about themselves. Go to the article by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times to see the test for yourself.http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/31/the-sustainable-marriage-quiz/?ref=taraparkerpope