A Spirit of Compromise in Mediation. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

A spirit of compromise is essential in achieving an outcome in mediation.

Mediation has gained popularity because courts have failed to provide inexpensive and timely outcomes for disputing parties.

Mediation can be convened quickly, is less expensive (often vastly so), and enables parties to move on with their lives without undue delay.

Success at Mediation is greatly assisted by proper disclosure and transparent dealings.  A spirit of compromise - including willingness to listen to the other party's views and acknowledgment that court outcomes are discretionary and usually encompass a range of possible outcomes- improves prospects of resolution.

Some time ago we undertook a mediation intake for a party who chose not to proceed with the mediation but rather to embark on litigation, confident in his solicitor's advice that a particular favourable outcome would be achieved.

Later, on returning to mediation on a peripheral issue, the same party expressed considerable lament that he had not continued to mediate in the first instance. After he and the other party had each spent approximately $150,000, he had been told by the same solicitor 'at the door of the court' that, "Today is the day we compromise our position to try to achieve a settlement".

Whilst the solicitor was no doubt confident in his original advice, the client would have been better served by exploring a range of possible outcomes at mediation and compromising to achieve an outcome both parties could accept. They could then have moved on emotionally earlier and the money spent on litigation would have been available to fund the more wholesome needs of themselves and their children.

Hindsight is such a wonderful thing!

There's no such thing as "A Happy Divorce". Or is there?

Separation and divorce are so often referred to in negative terms - a "failed marriage", betrayal of trust", "loss of the dream", "a broken family".

How much less often do we talk of learning from a relationship and separation experience, having another chance, the benefits of the experience to new relationships, or being freed to pursue more personal goals? It can and often does transpire that in time a relationship breakdown is viewed positively - by not just one but by both parties.

"That's all very well for some",  you might say.  "But what about the unfaithfulness, the lies, the breach of trust? What about my broken heart, the years wasted, the dreadful pain of rejection?"

Each separation experience is unique. Each separation experience is personal. Most are painful. Most trigger a grief process of variable duration and intensity and a recovery and adjustment period which is equally unpredictable in nature.
Separation,

How well separated adults recover and "move on", to use a colloquialism, is dependent on a wide range of factors: personality, the capacity to make a positive out of a negative, level of social and emotional support, and the quality and orientation of advice - to name a few.

The dismantling of an intimate relationship represents a loss and as with other grief experiences, can be likened to travelling through a tunnel. It is a process and the only way out is to go through it. It is helpful to keep a look out for that tiny glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and continue to do whatever brings it closer. The journey is about recovery from the loss. The destination is a brighter, happier and more enlightened life experience.

Birdman - A clever portrayal of psychosis, black humour injected with fantasy, or an attempt to demonstrate the psychological fragility of actors in general?

I saw Birdman on the weekend. I'd like to see it again now that I know it was up for an award in the Comedy or Musical section at the Golden Globes.  I didn't realise it was either, although there were definitely a lot of quite funny bits (I won't spoil it for you by detailing them).


To me, a Psychologist and Mediator, the lead role of Riggan Thomson, brilliantly played by Michael Keaton, is that of a late middle aged actor feeling washed up and surrendering, at times in dramatic style, to his alter ego Birdman - a character of his from a successful series of science fiction/super hero type films.


Riggan presents as being in the grip of psychotic visual and auditory hallucinations, delusions of grandeur and paranoid ideation and demonstrates an obvious cognitive blurring of the line between reality and fantasy.


At least, he did until the last scene .....


What do others think?


Could any of the many "interesting" characters in this movie have been helped by timely mediation or therapeutic counselling?


By the way, I have just discovered that congratulations are in order for Michael Keaton for winning "Best Actor in a Comedy" at the Golden Globes.

Good Advice for Separating Parties and All of Us

@BrisMediations: Great advice from Ruth Ostrow - not only for those going through separation and divorce, but for us all! http://t.co/4Odyiq1eh4

2015 has started with a bang at Brisbane Mediations

Like the fireworks most of us observed in person or electronically at midnight on the 1st of January, 2015 has started with a bang at Brisbane Mediations.


We have taken time out to look at what we did well in 2014 and what we may be able to improve or add to our services in 2015.  We're back on deck energised and ready to listen.


Judging by the people who have already rung Krystina or come through our door for intake discussions this week, at least some problem situations have not magically disappeared over the Christmas holiday period.


This year, as always, we intend to deliver non-judgmental, supportive and skilled conflict management to our clients.   


We must of course remain neutral and not "take sides" or lecture parties about what we believe is the best way to resolve their disputes.  We do, however, challenge and assist with reality testing of desired outcomes, helping our clients to realise that just as there are at least two sides to every story, there are at least two perspectives to every dispute.  The old saying, "It takes two to tango" could be modified to, "It takes at least two to create conflict".


Whether your dispute is the result of a relationship separation, entrenched tensions between extended family members, workplace disagreements or conflict over an estate you think has been unfairly apportioned, the Brisbane Mediations team is trained and equipped to assist.


It is our role to guide people in dispute to a resolution they can live with and that allows them to move on with their lives - if possible, without harbouring resentment. The team at Brisbane Mediations derive pleasure from seeing our clients relieved of the burden of emotionally draining and often financially expensive disputes. We've all seen enough of those in the Court system.


Life is short.  Let's all make the most of it.  At Brisbane Mediations we like to say, Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.  Just because you've had bad luck with someone significant in your world, you don't have to live the rest of your life with conflict, stress and regret.  We aim to help our clients chalk it up to experience, let go of the bitterness and move on.


We know that the people who come to see us are usually hurting and feeling betrayed. Those feelings take time to heal, but we would love to start you off in a more positive direction with an agreement that, no matter how hard won,  all parties can at least tolerate. Over time, the conflict can become a blip on the horizon.


Come in and see us and make 2015 your best year yet!