"The Green Prince": There are (at least) two sides to every story OR It's all about your perspective

Have you heard of the movie, "The Green Prince"?  I hadn't until friends invited us to a Saturday showing at the Schonell Theatre yesterday.


The film is a scripted documentary.  The main "characters" are Palestinian, Mosab Hassan Yousef and Israeli, Gonen.  Mosab is the eldest and most dutiful son of a senior and influential figure in the zealously anti-Israeli Hamas.  Gonen, on the other hand, is an Israeli  secret service operative in the ruthless anti-Palestinian Shin Bet, with a background including psychology.


Under the carefully manipulative influence of Gonen, Mosab is transformed.  At 17 he is angry and hell bent on avenging what he perceives to be the unjust and cruel targeting and repetitive jailing of his much loved and respected father by Israeli forces. A stint in prison, however, showed him first hand how Hamas members in prison committed greater atrocities on their own with less justification in his view than the Israelis. Over time he came to see the basis of Hamas's terror tactics in Israel as flawed and even his father as one-eyed and not amenable to reason.


Not only did  Mosab become  a highly prized informant for the Israelis by virtue of his close association with his father as his trusted advisor and assistant, but he and Gonen developed a relationship based on genuine trust and affection - to the extent that they demonstrated extreme loyalty towards each other in the face of great risk of harm or even death at the hands of zealously single-minded individuals in both Shin Bet and Hamas.


Was Mosab a selfish person who worked for the Israelis to save his own skin or did he undergo a true moral awakening in the face of the deaths of so many Israeli citizens at the hands of suicide bombings and other violent tactics orchestrated by Hamas?


How is it he was able to betray (according to his upbringing and his nationality) his father and his kinsmen?  Was it in fact betrayal or did he believe that if he could help stop the violence perpetrated by Hamas then there might be a better world for Israeli and Palestinian alike?


What about Gonen?  Did he really connect with Mosab at a human level, or was Mosab no more than a much valued prize pawn in the fight against Hamas?


Talk about 50 shades of grey: I'm thinking that in this situation 50 might be an underestimation!


Are there any similarities or learnings here for us to take into dispute resolution for separating couples, disputing workers, extended families in crisis?


Methinks there is always more than one story to hear and that there are also many ways to view each story.  When in doubt, don't judge.  Listen, listen and keep listening and potential solutions will usually emerge under the guidance of a skilled and sensitive mediator.     

Trust pays Dividends in Mediation

As a lawyer practising in the family jurisdiction over many years, I have often explained to clients that "transparency means trust" when litigating. Failure to disclose or deliberate deceitfulness is likely to impact on the other party's ability or willingness to negotiate during settlement attempts.

Trust is also vitally important in mediation. As with litigation, transparency assists parties to negotiate and reach a resolution.

Parties to mediation must also trust the process and the mediator if resolution chances are to be optimised.

The mediation intake plays a most important role in developing trust - both in the process and the mediator.  It provides an opportunity for the mediator to explain his or her independence and neutrality and the mediator's role.

Most importantly, however, through careful listening, eye contact and a genuine interest in what parties say, mediators are able to establish rapport and develop trust. This rapport and trust Is an investment by the mediator which can produce big dividends in terms of results should the going gets tough later in the mediation.  

Clearly trust in it's many facets is important to mediation success.

Separation, Divorce and Re-birth. What can Peter Greste and Reese Witherspoon's movie, "Wild", teach us?

Journalist, Peter Greste, has revealed that he is dealing with a kind of re-birth experience in the light of his release from an Egyptian jail.


He is processing mixed feelings which no doubt include immense personal relief and gratitude as well as  a version of "survivor guilt" for being free whilst his two colleagues remain incarcerated. 


Although he is not saying as much, it is probably also likely that, as an adaptable person, he had adjusted to the restrictions of life behind bars and that freedom will demand debriefing and re-adjustment so he can fully resume executive responsibility for his own life.


Peter Greste's experiences have common features with those of Cheryl Strayed as depicted in her biographical, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail and played by Reese Witherspoon in the movie, Wild, currently in Australian cinemas.


Strayed wrote about her epic journey - essentially alone and on foot - across the PCT (the 1000 mile Pacific Crest Trail  which is closely aligned with the Sierra Nevada and Cascade mountain ranges and runs between the US border with Mexico and that with Canada through the states of California, Oregon and Washington). This was her self prescribed healing process after losing her mother prematurely and reacting with self abuse through drugs and promiscuity with the result that she also lost herself. 


Strayed dared to ask the questions: "What if I could forgive myself?" "What if all those things I did were the things that got me here?"  In walking, she was trying to find the girl her mother always believed she was when she advised her to, "Find your best self and when you do, hold onto it forever". In Strayed's words, "After I lost myself in the wilderness of my grief, I found my own way out of the woods". 


This was Cheryl Strayed's re-birthing experience.  Peter Greste is also experiencing a re-birth subsequent to 400 days in his own "wilderness".  Both experiences are powerful and positive and neither would have been possible without a prolonged period of deprivation, self-discipline and extension of personal limits.


How do you plan to re-birth after you come out of the tunnel of grief and adjustment associated with separation and divorce?