Sometimes Mediation is Not Appropriate

Mediation may not be appropriate for all situations and all approved and reputable mediation agencies have a procedure for assessing the suitability of clients for mediation(intake session).

Intake sessions follow differing formats at various dispute resolution agencies.
They should enable the provision of sufficient background information to identify relevant issues between the parties, explain the process and assist in developing rapport and trust between parties and the mediator which can significantly help in achieving a resolution and the mediation succeeding.

Intake sessions are also invaluable as a screening tool for the mediator to ensure that there are no impediments to the mediation proceeding.

Mediation may be inappropriate or less likely to be successful when:

i) The parties are out of control physically,emotionally or psychologically:

ii)Clients do not have the willingness or capacity to mediate or their mental competence is in question;

iii)There are indications of physical or sexual abuse,child protection issues or a risk of child abduction;

iv)Drug or alcohol addiction is present;

v)A power imbalance between the parties is indicated and not amenable to the mediation process;

vi)Mediation is used by one party to gain information that will or may be used to manipulate,control,harm or disadvantage the other party.

The parties' lawyers have a role to play in determining when mediation is not appropriate.

The lawyer may be concerned that the client may be placed in a vulnerable position vis-a-vis the other spouse.

Where there is a possibility of reconciliation,counselling or therapy may be more appropriate.

Ultimately it is for the mediator to decide whether the mediation should proceed and if so under what conditions.

Sometimes a less experienced mediator will be deterred by factors that will not faze a more experienced or highly skilled mediator.

Mike Emerson
Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Covey's 3rd Alternative

Interesting article in the December 2011 issue of Management today about Stephen Covey's latest book; The 3rd Alternative:Solving Life's Most Difficult Problems, where the American management guru reiterates the idea that conflicts do not need to be resolved via concessions but rather in ways that benefit both sides.

Covey is recorded as talking of "synergising" the normal two-sided nature of almost all conflict,that is, my way and your way-the first and second alternatives-and going on to find a higher and better way to resolve the conflict, hence a third alternative.

He is said to comment that "In certain tightly competitive situations, like an auto race, people 'lose' " but that"life is not a race and if you want to build a great family or marriage or friendship or even a great company, it makes no sense to think in terms of winning and losing."

As Dowling* notes, the mutual gains approach was earlier stated in the best selling book Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury,first published in 1981 where the idea was propounded that the focus in negotiations should be on interests, not positions.

Covey's latest offering sounds like an interesting read.He is now in his 80th year and apparently wants The 3rd Alternative to be the book he is remembered for; a big statement considering the success of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.He is still searching however as is clear from his comment to Management Today that "those of us who think we've arrived at the "ultimate meaning" of anything are intellectually dead."


* Simon Dowling,chief executive officer of CMA Learning Group Ltd,a Melbourne based consultancy in negotiation, mediation and conflict management.

Mike Emerson
Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

lawyers and Mediation

One of the hallmarks of the success of Brisbane Mediations has been our ready acceptance of lawyers and their involvement in our process.

Whilst we offer mediations without lawyers, we positively encourage parties to bring their lawyers should they wish. This is in marked contrast to some other recognised public mediation providers and relationship centres where lawyers are not only actively discouraged, but excluded from the process.

We recognize that mediation is not a substitute for independent legal advice.

Lawyers can help their clients understand the law, make informed agreements and write up the final agreement. However, their role extends well beyond that.

Just as mediation has grown in acceptance as a worthwhile method of dispute resolution, so too have lawyers adapted their skills in many instances so as to better represent their clients in mediation and assist them to resolve their disputes at an early stage.

Rather than feeling threatened by mediation, lawyers are increasingly adapting to the new legal culture and finding a role for themselves in the dispute resolution process.

Furthermore, many lawyers entrust their clients to our processes with confidence in our neutrality and independence, knowing that we will encourage them to contact and consult with their lawyers as appropriate at any stage of the process.

Furthermore the lawyers know that if agreement is reached in principle, then we will forward the terms of the agreement to the lawyers or invite the clients to do so. Lawyers can then formalize the terms in consent orders and ensure that the agreement reached is both understood by the parties and genuinely reflects their wishes before they sign off on the agreed terms.

Involved lawyers realise that satisfied clients are their best marketing tools and lead in many cases to further referrals to the lawyer.

We would not hesitate to say that the involvement of lawyers in our process and their acceptance of our service has been an important aid to the establishment of our business.

Mike Emerson Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Referral Base

Brisbane Mediations is in the process of developing a referral base of Psychologists, Therapists and other Social Scientists.

Whilst every effort is made to ensure that all the relevant professionals in the greater Brisbane area are included there will inevitably be instances where some are overlooked.

To ensure you are included in the referral base you are invited to forward your professional details to resolve@brisbanemediations.com.au

Forensic Accountants and Mediation

Forensic accountants have an important role to play in family law disputes.

In addition to their normal accounting qualifications, they usually have a special expertise based on experience in valuing businesses,locating hidden assets and unravelling and valuing complex corporate structures and trusts.

However while forensic accountants are important in disputes involving complex asset structures, they also assist in valuing small businesses and determining the nature and extent of the asset pool.

Sometimes forensic accountants are appointed as single experts by the court and at other times by the disputing parties jointly.

Mediators can help by engaging a forensic accountant on behalf of the parties to assist as a neutral expert at the mediation.

If the parties agree to engage a neutral expert and have them participate in the mediation, then substantial savings can result.

Mike Emerson
Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Issues of Parenting Arrangements for Very Young Children

The attached paper by principal Denise Britton specifically addresses the issue of parenting arrangements for very young children. http://bit.ly/tdAF9M

Court delays and mediation

A recent article in the legal affairs section of the Australian highlights the advantage of mediation in offering a speedy and readily available solution to people in conflict.


The article in The Australian on Friday 28 October 2011 outlined concern over delayed judgments in the Brisbane registry of the Federal Magistrates Court coinciding with a surge in the court's workload.


Although the Federal Magistrates Court deals with the majority of family law matters a shortage of magistrates is said to have led to extensive delays in the Bribane registry.


President of the Queensland Family Law Practitioners Association Deborah Awyzio is quoted as saying that the biggest problem associated with the delays in Brisbane was that parties awaiting judgment "essentially have to put their lives on hold".


One of the advantages of mediation is that it can be undertaken at any time and you don't have to wait for a court to be available to hear your dispute.


Whereas court proceedings are often drawn out which increases the costs, mediation can be organised and implemented quickly and usually completed in a day.If people reach agreement they can avoid the long delays in court judgments being delivered.


At mediation a person is able to present his or her case and hear the other person's version at an early stage of the matter and the process allows for commercial or lateral solutions which may not otherwise be available.


The whole process can be organised and "done and dusted" quickly, enabling the parties to avoid the delay and uncertainty and above all the cost of court proceedings.


Mike Emerson
Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Mediation and Relationships

One of the advantages of Mediation is that it is less likely to harm on-going relationships than litigation. This is particularly important where people in dispute need to maintain an ongoing relationship - commercial arrangements between suppliers and customers; parenting relationships between separated parents who have parenting responsibilities to fulfil; or working relationships between co-workers who have clashed in the workplace.

Mediation is a process where disputing parties enlist the assistance of a neutral person (the mediator) to help identify issues in dispute and explore options and alternatives to reach an agreement that will accommodate their respective needs.

Litigation on the other hand involves parties using courts to review opposing factual versions of disputes and provide a decision based on the evidence provided by each side (in their affidavits or stories) of the dispute. The decision almost always effectively endorses one view of a case and rejects the other and often costs are awarded to the successful party, effectively punishing the other.

Litigation by its very nature highlights and accentuates differences – as presented in affidavits and as each counsel cross examines the other party to expose weaknesses in their version of events. Mediation , on the other hand, looks for common ground and strives for agreement.
Litigation encourages a winner take all approach whereas Mediation looks for a win/win outcome.

Considerable damage can be done to on-going personal relationships (for example, between parents or between beneficiaries under a will) where one person, in seeking to have his or her version accepted, has to try to destroy the other person’s case. Similarly, in the commercial field, time in court is highly unlikely to engender an ongoing relationship - particularly when at the end of the day one party is the victor and the other the vanquished, left to pick up the pieces.
When a result is imposed by a court, one party may leave the court room happy and the other disgruntled and bitter. Evidence given during the trial has most likely eroded the previous relationship even more and increased the chance that these two parties will struggle indefinitely to relate into the future –personally or commercially as the case may be.

At Mediation , however, seemingly warring parties often shake hands or communicate in a genial manner at the end of the day, with a copy of the signed agreement in hand as they head off. A result has been reached by consensus rather than by the imposition of a decision by a stranger. Dignity has been maintained and the vestiges of a relationship remain intact with a chance of enrichment in the future. In the commercial arena there is every chance that the parties will continue their mutually beneficial relationship, particularly where they have found a solution which ultimately takes account of and accommodates the needs (often different from the wants) of each.

It is easy to see why Mediation is often said to involve a saving, not only in material costs, but also in costs to relationships.

Mike Emerson

Successful Mediation

Mediation involves people in dispute enlisting the assistance of a neutral third party (the mediator). It is the role of the mediator to help them identify their issues and explore options to resolve their dispute with the aim of reaching an agreement which accommodates the needs of each.

No Mediator has a magic wand though and so to reach a satisfactory and workable outcome, one or other or both parties must move towards meeting the needs of the other. The outcome is not necessarily in the middle, but will be somewhere between each person’s ideal solution. Where both parties are prepared to compromise, then the chances of a resolution increase immeasurably.

One of the distinct features of Mediation is that each party holds within themselves the power to achieve a resolution and to ensure they are able to live with the outcome. This is very different from a choice to go to court and hand over power and control to a third party (the judge) who will ultimately make a decision that one or the other or even neither party may be happy with.

Not only do Mediating parties retain control of any outcome, but if they do reach a solution, then the savings in both legal costs and emotional stress are usually significant. Such savings are worthwhile results in themselves.

Mike Emerson
Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Mediation and Relationships

One of the advantages of Mediation is that it is less likely to harm on-going relationships than litigation. This is particularly important where people in dispute need to maintain an ongoing relationship - commercial arrangements between suppliers and customers; parenting relationships between separated parents who have parenting responsibilities to fulfil; or working relationships between co-workers who have clashed in the workplace.
Mediation is a process where disputing parties enlist the assistance of a neutral person (the mediator) to help identify issues in dispute and explore options and alternatives to reach an agreement that will accommodate their respective needs.
Litigation on the other hand involves parties using courts to review opposing factual versions of disputes and provide a decision based on the evidence provided by each side (in their affidavits or stories) of the dispute. The decision almost always effectively endorses one view of a case and rejects the other and often costs are awarded to the successful party, effectively punishing the other.
Litigation by its very nature highlights and accentuates differences – as presented in affidavits and as each counsel cross examines the other party to expose weaknesses in their version of events. Mediation , on the other hand, looks for common ground and strives for agreement.
Litigation encourages a winner take all approach whereas Mediation looks for a win/win outcome.
Considerable damage can be done to on-going personal relationships (for example, between parents or between beneficiaries under a will) where one person, in seeking to have his or her version accepted, has to try to destroy the other person’s case. Similarly, in the commercial field, time in court is highly unlikely to engender an ongoing relationship - particularly when at the end of the day one party is the victor and the other the vanquished, left to pick up the pieces.
When a result is imposed by a court, one party may leave the court room happy and the other disgruntled and bitter. Evidence given during the trial has most likely eroded the previous relationship even more and increased the chance that these two parties will struggle indefinitely to relate into the future –personally or commercially as the case may be.
At Mediation , however, seemingly warring parties often shake hands or communicate in a genial manner at the end of the day, with a copy of the signed agreement in hand as they head off. A result has been reached by consensus rather than by the imposition of a decision by a stranger. Dignity has been maintained and the vestiges of a relationship remain intact with a chance of enrichment in the future. In the commercial arena there is every chance that the parties will continue their mutually beneficial relationship, particularly where they have found a solution which ultimately takes account of and accommodates the needs (often different from the wants) of each.
It is easy to see why Mediation is often said to involve a saving, not only in material costs, but also in costs to relationships.

Mike Emerson

Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Lawyers and Family Mediation - Bridging the Divide

The Legalwise Family Law Conference was held in Vietnam recently and Brisbane Mediations principal, Mike Emerson presented the following paper titled Lawyers and Family Mediation - Bridging the Divide
http://bit.ly/rm1J8Y

Meaningful Relationship between Parent a Child – Part 3

“Meaningful Relationship” between a Parent and a Child at Different Stages of the Child’s Development

From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.

For toddlers from one to three years of age, attachment to the primary carer and to other interested persons takes on major significance, especially when considering the viability of contact with non-resident parents. The most important prerequisite for secure attachment is thought to be the sensitive responsiveness of the caregiver to the infant's needs – especially to states such as anxiety, fear, fatigue and illness. Secure attachment leads to a sense of control over the environment, as the infant starts to venture further and further away from attachment figures and to develop a sense of self worth.

In the second and third years of a child's life, all areas of development proceed at an enormous rate – from fine and gross motor skills to social and imaginative play which involves cooperation and the taking on of roles such as leader and follower. Normal three year olds can communicate quite complex ideas in comprehensible sentences and have extensive vocabularies, even tailoring speech to suit their listeners' needs (Schatz and Gelman, 1973). From this capacity to communicate comes early socialization and the ability to form many levels of relationship across all age groups. Associated with the toddler's discovery of a sense of autonomy – a self separate from the primary attachment figure and able to make decisions which do not necessarily correspond with the requirements of the carer - is a period of negativism which is often described as the "terrible twos" or "terrible threes" and is associated with the continual use of the word. "NO". Children at this age need firm and appropriate limits at the same time as they need the sense of security which allows them to test their emerging abilities. Parents and other carers need patience, persistence, and a clear and positive sense of self to handle them appropriately.

A meaningful relationship with a parent at this age requires frequent contact since toddlers lack the ability to hold memories of attachment figures for extended periods of time (Lund, 2005). Provided logistically possible and practicable, a more equitable form of shared care, including overnight stays with the contact parent, can be considered – provided the child is attached to the contact parent and the contact parent has necessary parenting skills. If the toddler has coped with overnight stays with babysitters, sleeps through the night, allows the contact parent to comfort him or her in stressful situations and the contact parent's home is appropriately equipped, this augers well for extension of contact periods. Secure attachment to both the primary and contact carers will predispose to a successful increase in time with the contact parent.

Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator

Meaningful Relationship between Parent and Child – Part 2

“Meaningful Relationship” between a Parent and a Child at Different Stages of the Child’s Development

From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.

For Infants from four to twelve months of age, the need for sleep declines and the need for socialization and cognitive stimulation gradually increases. At about six to eight months, normal infants discriminate between the people they come into contact with and prefer one or two special people over all others. Even with a maternal primary caregiver, some babies attach to the father or a grandparent or older sibling in preference to the mother. Others do not form single attachments at all and make multiple attachments simultaneously. I like the observations of Schaffer (Schaffer and Emerson, 1964) that:
…being attached to several people does not necessarily imply a shallower feeling towards each one for an infant's capacity for attachment is not like a cake that has to be shared out. Love, even in babies, has no limits (1977, p 108).
I wish parents would remember this when locked in mortal combat over the amount of time they are having with their infant children.

Children of this age typically display (normal) separation anxiety when the distance between them and their mother becomes uncomfortable, the mother providing a secure base from which the infant can explore the immediate environment and the distance travelled in these excursions becoming greater over time. A meaningful relationship for a typical father (as opposed to a father who is the primary carer) at this time will be focused on play and socialisation (whilst they still need to be aware of and responsive to the child’s physical needs). We know there are benefits to children cognitively and emotionally from the greater physical stimulation and louder communication provided by fathers over mothers. The latter tend to be more soothing and calming in their interaction although some experts believe that when a father is the primary caregiver, he is more likely to behave like a mother would be expected to behave - that is, more like a classic nurturer than a fun figure (Field, 1978; Lamb, 1997). Children ideally should have a balance of parenting styles.

Regular overnight stays away from the primary carer are not usually recommended at this stage of development. Common sense tells us that the average infant can cope with occasional sleep-overs without the primary carer, provided familiarity is maintained in their normal routine and they are not left with strangers. It may be that as our thinking advances further, it will be realized that in separated families, both parents can safely spend substantial periods of time with children who are even this young. Cooperation between parents and synchrony in routines will minimize negative impact on the infant. The ideal at this age is generally considered to be one or two hours at a time with the non-resident parent several days a week, so that the infant can learn to trust this parent as well as his or her primary carer (Wallerstein, Lewis and Blakeslee, 2000). Such an arrangement allows for a meaningful relationship with the child for the non-resident parent as well as the resident parent.

Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator

Contact between Children and Grandparents

The 2006 reforms to the Family Law Act recognised the right of children to spend time and communicate on a regular basis not only with both their parents but other people significant to their care,welfare and development such as grandparents, except where it would be contrary to the child's best interests to do so.

The changes were introduced in acknowledgement of the important role that grandparents can play in the child's life and to address the scenario where grandparents were often cut out of their grandchildren's lives after the parents of the grandchild separated or divorced.

Grandparents are given specific authority to apply for a parenting order under section 65C of the Family Law Act.

In deciding whether to make a particular parenting order in relation to a child, the court must regard the best interests of the child as the paramount consideration.

In determining what is in the child's best interests the court must, along with other factors, consider the following:

- The likely effect of any changes in the child's circumstances, including the likely effect on the child of any separation from any grandparent with whom they have been living.

-The capacity of any other person, including any grandparent,to provide for the needs of the child including emotional and intellectual needs.

It is not always necessary for grandparents to go to court to secure contact and an ongoing relationship with their grandchildren.

If they are unable to resolve their differences directly with the child's parents,grandparents should first consider mediation as an avenue for resolving the dispute without the cost and stress and inevitable damage to relationships that court proceedings usually entail.

Brisbane Mediations offers parents and grandparents the opportunity to resolve these disputes without the need for court intervention and welcomes all inquiries.

Mike Emerson Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Mediation Masterclass

On the weekend of 6 and 7 August next, I will be attending the Mediation Masterclass short course offered by the Bond University Dispute Resolution Centre.The course should provide a stimulating and enjoyable two days and an excellent opportunity for me to hone my mediation skills in the company of other experienced mediators and well qualified and skilled presenters.I am greatly looking forward to the opportunity to participate.

Mike Emerson- Mediator and Lawyer

"Meaningful Relationship between Parent and Child"

"Meaningful Relationship" between a Parent and a Child at Different Stages of the Child's Development

From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.

For the neonate (from birth to three or four months), a meaningful relationship with a “parent” (and that word is not necessarily attached to biology when used in a psychological sense) is one on which the tiny human depends for his / her very survival. Basic physical needs must be met and the baby learns to trust - a vital requirement for normal human development - based on cries of hunger and discomfort being responded to appropriately. The child needs relationships with adults who are not egocentrically driven and put the child’s needs first. There should be allowance for the neonate to have at least one primary carer and the relationship of the child with secondary attachment figures should not be at the expense of the primary relationship or relationships.

Non-resident parents of neonates need to accept the need for the child in the first instance to spend most of its time sleeping and feeding. Times with the child for this parent in a separated situation should be short and frequent and ideally cause minimal disruption to the routine of the child and the primary attachment figure/s. This has special meaning if the child is breast fed in which case the right of the child to establish a bond with the mother in a peaceful way should be respected.

Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator

Sharing the Children: Where are We Now ?

http://www.emfl.com.au/reports/Sharing%20the%20Children.Where%20are%20We%20Now.pdf

Mike Emerson & Denise Britton
Brisbane Mediations

Bridging the Divide Between Lawyers and Mediators

Brisbane Mediations: http://tinyurl.com/3bvx9pz

Timing and Family Mediation

Timing is important in family Mediation.

Parties are at times more ready to achieve a resolution than at others.It is important that mediators are aware of the impact and importance of timing and the emotional aspects of separation.

Fisher and Ury “Getting to Yes” (1997) speak of the importance of “getting into step” with the other person and timing is an aspect of this.

Much has been written about the psychological aspects of divorce, the loss it involves and the grief process.

Many writers have interpreted separation and divorce in terms of moving through a number of overlapping stages not unlike those described by Kubler-Ross in her classic book “On Death and Dying” as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These days it is more common for writers to describe the parties as cycling back and forth between the emotional stages rather than passing through them in sequence.

I always recall a matter where I represented a party and the other party had been particularly difficult to negotiate with in the course of a drawn out and conflicted divorce. Eventually, after a successful mediation the other party said to me; “Mr. Emerson, you must have thought for a long time that I was a proper so and so to deal with, but I just wasn’t ready”. This was a very helpful lesson for me in understanding the importance of timing in achieving an outcome.

Mediators need to be sensitive to these issues and take account of where parties are in the grief process.


Mike Emerson
Brisbane mediations

Mediation - around the table or in separate rooms?

People attending mediations often say they are nervous about sitting in the same room as the other party and ask about mediating from separate rooms or via a "shuttle" process.

In the majority of cases, even where there is considerable tension between the parties, I encourage them to at least commence their mediation around the one table.

The reasons include the following:

In my experience, it is generally beneficial to the mediation process for the parties to hear each other's concerns and issues directly;

They can each be more confident that the other party has in fact heard them;

They each hear an unabridged version of the other's views and not what the mediator has paraphrased;

By "breaking the ice" between parties who may not have spoken directly to each other for some time, the opportunity arises in many instances for some helpful discussion;

Brainstorming of options can be facilitated more effectively when the parties are in the same room;

Having a mediator or mediators present provides a safe environment in which to set the scene for an ongoing relationship between the parties (for example, when co-parenting after separation or divorce or needing to continue as colleagues in the workplace);

Some release of negative emotion is more likely if both parties are in the same room and when managed by a skilled and sensitive mediator this will often clear the way for more helpful and productive negotiation of solutions;

There is less chance of parties becoming suspicious about an alliance forming between the mediator and the other party;

The mediator's time is saved as he or she does not need to run between rooms and parties from the outset of the mediation;

If either party finds it too difficult to remain in the same room as the other party then it is a simple matter to change to shuttle mode at any time;

Parties are often most grateful for the opportunity to deal directly with the other party, whilst being supported by an even handed process.

Denise Britton
Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Transition to Retirement Pensions and Mediation

In recent weeks, I have been involved in two mediations where a solution was achieved because of the availability of Transition to Retirement (TTR) Pensions.

Both were relationship mediations.The first, which I convened, involved a small asset pool with no cash and no capacity to borrow.The second,where I represented a party, involved a much larger pool with substantial superannuation, but again no cash and no capacity to borrow because of the absence of security.

In each case a settlement was possible because of the capacity of a party to access a TTR pension to pay cash to the other party.

Parties over 55 who are still working can access their super by means of a TTR providing the Superannuation Trust Deed allows for same as otherwise an amendment to the Deed is necessary.

My understanding is that they must access at least 4% and not more than 10% of the total sum held in any financial year but advice should be sought on these limits.

After age 60,provided the person has set up the TTR pension which is simple to do,then withdrawals are tax free.

Withdrawals are not restricted to weekly sums but can be in larger amounts provided the annual limits are not exceeded.

I would strongly suggest that if you are within the relevant age bracket, that you see your accountant regarding implementation and conditions of a TTR pension.

The accountant can also advise on any applicable tax rates and limits which may apply.

This is a simple way of thinking outside the square to reach a solution at mediation.

Mike Emerson of Brisbane Mediations

The Counsellor's Role in Family Law Disputes

Brisbane Mediations: http://bit.ly/kinWBP

The do's and don'ts of Mediation

The Do's and Don'ts of Mediation
http://bit.ly/m0EsAT

Spousal Maintenance

Under the Family Law Act, a person has a responsibility to assist his or her former spouse or de facto partner financially if that other person can't meet his or her reasonable financial needs from their own income or assets.

Where an entitlement can be established, maintenance enables an adjustment to be made in favour of one or other party for any disparity that may exist between the income or the earning capacity of the parties based on their individual financial needs.

The Family Court and the Federal Magistrates Court are able to deal with spousal maintenance applications and parties can also reach an agreement on maintenance arrangements at mediation.You should try to resolve the dispute before going to court if at all possible as this will involve a saving not only financially but in terms of emotional stress.

Maintenance is not automatically awarded however and time limits apply, so it is best to seek legal advice.Your lawyer will be able to explain the circumstances in which you may be entitled to spouse maintenance and point out the various options for seeking a resolution.If you are the party from whom payment is sought, then your lawyer can explain the limits on your liability based on your capacity to pay. In selecting a mediator, you should ensure that your lawyer is able to come with you to mediation should you so desire as important legal issues are involved.

Mike Emerson Co-principal Brisbane Mediations.

Family Mediation - One Size Doesn't Fit All

When there is conflict between separated couples over parenting and/or property, Mediation is a means of dispute resolution which can be adapted to the needs of the mediating parties and the nature of their dispute.

Sometimes, it is to the advantage of all concerned for a mediation to be conducted and completed over the course of one day, a comprehensive agreement being signed that same day.

In other cases because of: the personalities of the parties, the stage they have reached in respect of their emotional separation, the complexities of their dispute or the availability of the parties or their legal advisers, mediation might be best conducted over a period of time in smaller chunks.

The latter approach allows for parties struggling to adjust to their separation to deal with and adapt to changes in their lives one step at a time. For some, to attempt to make overarching decisions about financial or children's matters once and for all at their first mediation session is simply overwhelming and too daunting.

Time to consider and adapt is something that should never be denied to mediating parties if this is what they believe they need.

Most experienced mediators sensitive to their clients' needs know that some people need to discuss the options on the table with trusted advisers before signing off on an agreement.

Others like to trial the success of new arrangements (particularly in respect of children) before reviewing them and taking a further step. This is especially the case in matters involving very young children whose routines will be significantly altered by the proposed agreement.

Similarly, some parties will want their mediator to give them advice on what is best for their children or what is likely to happen should they not agree at mediation and go to court instead. Others want a mediator to only use their mediation skills to effect a resolution and would prefer to seek counsel from their own advisers.

Some want their children's views ascertained by a qualified child consultant who informs the mediation. Others see this as unduly stressful for their children.

If a mediation service has a "one size fits all" approach to mediation, then there is reason for concern. Mediation is about the needs of the parties, not those of the mediator.

Look for suitably qualified, experienced and flexible mediators willing to tailor their processes to the needs of their clients. Remember the old adage, "If all the workman has in his toolkit is a hammer, then every job he does will require a nail."

Denise Britton
Co-Principal and Psychologist
Brisbane Mediations

Binding Financial Agreements

Latest developments in Binding Financial Agreements for marriages and de facto relationships. http://bit.ly/iokGOq

Binding Financial Agreements

Latest developments in Binding Financial Agreements for marriages and de facto relationships.
http://bit.ly/mAdWyA

Why use Mediation

People often ask why they would consider using mediation to resolve conflict.The reasons are many and varied but generally include the following:

•It offers the opportunity for faster solutions;
•It is cheaper than litigation;
•You retain control rather than have others make decisions for you;
•It is less destructive of relationships;
•It is more informal than the court process;
•Parties can participate with or without their lawyers;
•It is confidential to the extent allowed by law;
•The process can be terminated or suspended at any time.

The point about being less destructive is particularly important where parties have to engage in an ongoing business relationship or separated parties have an ongoing responsibility to parent children.

Mike Emerson Co-principal Brisbane Mediations

Family and domestic violence: Will broadening the Family Law Act definition improve outcomes for children?

The Federal Government has proposed changes to the Family Law Act in the wake of the wide ranging 2006 amendments of the previous government.

Those of us "at the coalface" of family law disputes have seen dramatic changes in residential and childcare arrangements for separated families over the past ten to fifteen years.

The "standard" litigated outcome previously involved children living with their mothers and seeing fathers every second weekend and for two or three weeks of their school holidays. It is now so common as to represent something of a "new standard", for children to share their time between their parents on a much more equitable if not equal basis. Many large and small employers in both private and public sectors have moved with the times and made it possible for parents of both sexes to accommodate shared care through flexible work arrangements, the Courts took to the concept of "shared parental responsibility" as well as "equal shared care" with gusto and even parents with reservations about the advisability of such arrangements for their children decided they had best consider them.

For a large number of children these more equitable arrangements have improved their relationships with their fathers in particular and we would hope that they have benefited with improved self esteem and healthier psychological development more closely approximating that of children from intact families.

We are told, however, that others have in fact been exposed to unprecedented levels of conflict and even violence between their parents as a result of the greater need for these people to negotiate parenting issues and to attempt to cooperate in decision making regarding their children.

Despite the onus on judicial officers under the 2006 amendments to consider any claims of domestic and family violence before making parenting orders, advocates of the proposed amendments say there needs to be a broader definition which is expressed in terms of all activities which "coerce and control" and which cause children or parents to be fearful.

The proposed legislation is in line with research which distinguishes between various types of family and domestic violence. Coercive and Controlling violence (Kelly and Jackson, 2008; Stark, 2007) is seen as the most dangerous form for victims. This type of violence is most often used by males against females and involves intimidation through emotional, economic and physical abuse, isolation, use of children, asserting privilege and use of threats. When physical violence exists in this form of abuse, it is more severe and serious injury, death and/or sexual violence are more common than with other forms of violence.

The challenge for the lawmakers and the courts is to differentiate between the various forms of violence which too commonly occur in the context of intimate personal relationships between parents. Situational Couple Violence and Separation Instigated Violence, for instance, are less lethal, less likely to continue after separation, as likely to be instigated by females as males and more likely to be the result of acute frustration and tension around specific issues, including separation. Unlike Coercive Controlling Violence, they are thought to not be motivated by the overarching desire of one party to control the other and will most likely not involve escalating and potentially lethal tactics.(Kelly and Johnson, 2008)

If the proposed Family Law Act amendments are passed, are we likely to see an increase in false claims of family and domestic violence by parties looking to achieve ends such as relocation with children? Or will children and parents at the mercy of chronically coercive and controlling parties actually receive greater protection and if so, are errors in which innocent parents are denied time with their children just "collateral damage", necessary in order to protect those in real need?

No matter what legislation is passed, the question has to be asked, "Is there any better way of protecting children than considering every case on its merits?" It is argued here that The best interests of the child should remain the elusive driver for social scientist evaluators, independent children's lawyers, mediators and judicial officers alike as we all attempt to ensure that every child has the greatest chance possible of achieving their potential, whilst also remaining safe.

Denise Britton
Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

References:

1.Kelly, J and Johnson, M (2008). Differentiation among different types of intimate partner violence. Family Court Review, vol 46, no 3, pp 476-499.

2.Stark, E (2007). Coercive control: The entrapment of women in personal life. New York: Oxford University Press.

Five reasons to make prenuptial and cohabitation agreements

Couples planning to marry or to live together are usually caught up in the romance of the moment and the wondrous prospect of a life together. This is what makes the world go round and should not be discouraged or diminished.

Statistics tell us, however, that approximately 50% of first marriages and significantly higher percentages of second and subsequent marriages end in divorce. The figures for marriage like or de-facto relationships are less reliable, but there is every reason to believe that the incidence of breakdown is at least as high as for marriages.

There are very good reasons for certain couples about to move to a new stage of togetherness to consider making a prenuptial or cohabitation agreement.

1. With the average age to marry increasing and with many partners having previously been married or in marriage like relationships, it is common for one or both to bring significant property assets into the relationship. A properly prepared agreement can protect these assets.

2. Many partners need to consider children from previous relationships. An agreement may protect the financial interests of these children well into the future.

3. It makes sense to negotiate financial matters at a time when trust is high and arguments rational and logical rather than tinged with the illogicality, intransigence, grief, loss, guilt and bitterness that often accompany relationship breakdown.

4. Discussing financial matters before making a major commitment into the future can be enlightening as to each partner's attitudes and values. In the course of negotiating an agreement, there will either be a resolution which takes the pressure off the relationship or a decision that this union might not have been the best idea after all. There is a lot of truth in the old adage, "Better now than later".

5. Preparation and planning in the form of a prenuptial or a cohabitation agreement may, through clarification of where each partner stands financially, reduce unrealistic expectations and increase the sustainability of the relationship. In the unfortunate event that the relationship does end, however, such agreements can significantly reduce the emotional anguish, financial uncertainty and cost of a property settlement.

Because negotiation of prenuptial or cohabitation agreements occurs in a unique romantic context, mediation provides an ideal process. Mediation is less divisive and more user friendly, placing significantly less stress on fledgling relationships.

Legal advice remains vital and opinions on the implications of the agreement for each should be sought from suitably trained and experienced lawyers before the mediated agreement is signed.

Denise Britton - Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Food for Thought.

I often find as a mediator that a party will sum something up in a succinct and meaningful way or pass a comment that provides food for thought. Today we did a co-mediation intake for a party who himself practises counselling for a career. When asked what he understood mediation to be, he immediately replied: "Trying to obtain a worthwhile and sustainable agreement without going to court".A rather good way of summing up the purpose of mediation I thought. Later in the same session he volunteered that people have at times asked him, "did your work(as therapist) help you with having a child or did having a child help you more with your work".Bit difficult to answer that one, but interesting to ponder all the same. Mike Emerson

Advantages of Mediation

Sometimes I am asked to explain the advantages of mediation. There are many such advantages including the following:

• Mediation can be undertaken at anytime.You don’t have to wait for a court to be available to hear your dispute;

• Litigation is expensive whereas mediation can be cost effective. Court proceedings are often drawn out which increases the costs, whereas mediation can be organised and implemented quickly and usually completed in a day. Of course if the mediation is unsuccessful and the matter proceeds to trial then the cost of the mediation is an additional expense for the parties;

• The parties retain control of the outcome at all times,whereas in the court process you are handing control to a third party and asking him or her to make a decision(which ultimately neither party may be happy with).In mediation, the mediator has no authority to make decisions about the issues, however remains in control of the process;

• At mediation, a party is able to present his or her case and hear the other party’s case at an early stage of the matter and the process allows for commercial or lateral solutions which may not otherwise be available;

• One of the great benefits of mediation to participants is privacy. If the matter is resolved the parties can put the matter behind them and confidentiality can be preserved;

• Speed- the whole process can be organised and “done and dusted” quickly. Mediation is quicker then litigation and this helps the parties to avoid delay and uncertainty;

• Simplicity – the process is far simpler and more user friendly than a trial but of course this brings disadvantages with it as well, as the parties don’t always have the protections that a trial provides;

• Mediation, gives parties “their day in court”. Whilst they won’t be in Court in the usual sense, if they are listened to and have the opportunity to be heard then they can feel part of the process and satisfied that they have been heard;

• Litigation does not always provide a fair result whereas in mediation the mediator is not a Judge and can assist the parties in reaching a resolution that they are both able to live with;

• Mediation is not only cheaper and quicker than litigation but may also save in terms of emotional stress;

• Mediation can help to reduce long term tension and hostility between parties and in so doing improve communication between disputing parties which provides a benefit in terms of future co-operation, particularly where an ongoing relationship is necessary, such as where a separating couple has children;

• Involvement of the parties in the decision making produces a sense of ownership and desire to see any settlement implemented;

• Mediation is a reasonably loosely defined concept and unlike the judicial process is not governed by stringent rules as to how and what the mediator and parties can do. This flexibility is both an advantage and a disadvantage.

In a later blog, I will list some of the disadvantages of mediation,one of which is that agreements reached are often not subject to the scrutiny of the Courts and can at times be criticised for favouring the more powerful party.

Sometimes it is necessary for the parties to travel some distance down the litigation pathway before the matter is ready for Mediation.

There is of course a role for litigation,however mediation can offer very real advantages for parties in the right circumstances.

Mike Emerson Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Children and New Partners

When separated parents re-partner, their children react in a range of ways - some healthy and others destructive.

Each child's unique grief reaction and adjustment to their parents' separation should be considered before introducing them to even the idea of new partners.

After separation, it is most important to maintain open communication between children and parents. Whilst being as honest as possible with them, however, parents should not expect their children to instantly applaud or even accept a decision to re-partner, especially if the other parent sees the new partner as responsible for the end of the relationship. Similarly, children should not be expected to immediately treat a parent's new partner as a parent.

If expected to cope with such a major change prematurely, there is a risk that children will recoil from or even refuse a relationship with the re-parenting parent and that they will align themselves - sometimes exclusively - with the other parent.

The good news is that given time and sensitive support children can adapt to new parenting situations, including quite complex blended families in more than one household. The key to success is to introduce such changes at the child's pace, with support, and with sensitivity.

As children are treated with respect by new partners, trust can grow and relationships independent of either parent will hopefully develop. This process cannot be forced and relies on the maturity and patience of the re-parenting parent, step-parent and, of course, the other parent.

Denise Britton - Co-Principal, Brisbane Mediations

Gifts/Loans During Relationship

GIFTS / LOANS DURING RELATIONSHIP

Issues often arise as to how gifts or loans made to the parties during a relationship are to be treated on separation.

It is quite common for parents to advance funds to the parties to assist them during the relationship. Often the advance is made without documentation and although there may be some expectation that the monies may be repaid, if needed at some stage, it is often unclear as to whether the advance is intended as a loan or as a gift to the parties or one of them.

Even in circumstances where there is some form of written agreement, often there is no provision for interest to be paid and no immediate expectation for repayment on the part of the lender.

While the nature of the advance may not be clear at the time, it is common that on separation the parties have very definite views regarding the advance, with one contending it was a gift to the parties and the other claiming it to be a loan.

The Court has a discretion as to how it will treat the advance and often how to exercise this discretion is very difficult.

The Court might look for written evidence or look at what discussions took place at the time of the advance and whether any part of the monies has been repaid or any interest paid.

Even if there is something in writing, that might not be the end of it, as the court may look at how long ago the advance was made and what, if any, repayments have been made.

If the Court considers it is a loan, it still has to look at whether in all the circumstances it is likely to be enforced and this may involve some consideration of the circumstances of the parties who advanced it.

Ultimately it is a matter of the Court weighing up all of the evidence and assessing where the balance lies.

It is not necessary for the lender to intervene in the proceedings between the parties.

Each case is different and the issue of whether an advance is ultimately regarded as a gift or a loan is one for the Court to determine in the particular circumstances of the case.

The Courts have held that in some cases it is appropriate not to take the liability into account or to discount it. This could include a liability that is vague or uncertain or unlikely to be enforced or which was unreasonably incurred or deliberately incurred in disregard of the other party’s entitlement to property settlement.

Family Law however does not operate in a vacuum and the legitimate interests of third parties are not ignored when the court determines the respective rights to property between the parties.

If an advance is not treated as a loan, then it can be regarded as a contribution by one party but this is not a mathematical exercise and will be just another factor to be taken into account in negotiations between the parties or in the exercise of the Court’s discretion, if a Court determination is required.

The surest way to protect an advance is to enter into a written agreement and to register a mortgage but even this may not provide an answer as ultimately the determination of the nature or character of any advance made is a matter for the Court.

The position in relation to gifts is that the party on whose behalf or to whom the gift is made is usually given credit for a greater contribution because of that gift.

However, whilst the advance may be seen as a contribution by one party, parties and indeed the Court often adopt a broad brush approach to contributions and the advance or gift may be submerged by other factors.

The critical area of contention is in determining the intention of the donor.

Mike Emerson,
Co-principal Brisbane Mediations

Australia World Leader with Mandatory Mediation in Family Law Parenting Disputes

Los Angeles Attorney, Mark Baer, has praised Australian reforms in Family Law whilst expressing concerns about recent Californian legislation likely to increase time, expense and the adversarial nature of Family Law matters. According to Mr Baer, "It's time for our (USA) government to affect (sic) a reform in the family law system to shift the emphasis from litigation, as the dominant practice, to mediation ... Litigation is not only more expensive but it is also more damaging to the family system which still has to maintain contact and function, to some extent, when there are children involved." Mr Baer comments on the British introduction from 6 April 2011 of a requirement for divorcing couples in England and Wales to undergo mediation for both parenting and financial issues before being allowed to access the courts. He points out that this reform follows the Australian example. In Australia, except in certain exceptional circumstances, Registered Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners must issue Certificates indicating that parties have attempted to resolve their parenting disputes at mediation before an application can be made for intervention by either the Family Court or Federal Magistrates Court. Denise Britton - Co-Principal, Brisbane Mediations http://mwne.ws/gMJI0f

Don't involve your adolescents in your post separation disputes

Separated and disputing parents of adolescent children need to guard against imparting any (even unintentional) encouragement to their children to take their side against the other parent. Teenagers already have their own developmental issues to deal with - for example, finding a way to individuate from parents whilst still maintaining close attachments, pursuing serious educational and career goals, developing adult type relationships and establishing their own identity in the world. They should be relieved of any explicit or implicit onus to align themselves with one parent or the other. Parents who alienate their adolescents against the other parent do so at both their children's and their own peril. There is a risk to the mental health of the adolescent and to the later relationship between the alienating parent and the alienated child. Denise Britton, Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

The Tragedy of Darcey Freeman

The tragic case of Darcey Freeman – the little girl who was thrown off the Westgate Bridge on 29 January 2009 - shocked a nation of people who are no longer easy to shock. Darcey tugs at all of our hearts. We all know a potential “Darcey”. She was real. She deserved a chance at life. She was let down: - By someone she loved and trusted and who should have been there to protect her; by our legal systems; by our social networks; and in some way by each of us. News reports indicate that five out of six psychiatrists attributed Darcey’s needless death to factors other than mental illness and at least one of these five to probable pre-meditated spousal revenge. We are told that threats were made to her mother – that she would “pay” and that she would not see her children again. What can we do to prevent more vulnerable little children like Darcey from meeting such a horrible and unfathomable fate? It is vital to spread the message that there are ways of resolving disputes which allow everybody – the mother, the father and especially the children - to move on from family breakdown and to have full and meaningful lives. http://bit.ly/fwztoB

The Tragedy of Darcey Freeman

The tragic case of Darcey Freeman – the little girl who was thrown off the Westgate Bridge on 29 January 2009 - shocked a nation of people who are no longer easy to shock. Darcey tugs at all of our hearts. We all know a potential “Darcey”. She was real. She deserved a chance at life. She was let down: - By someone she loved and trusted and who should have been there to protect her; by our legal systems; by our social networks; and in some way by each of us. News reports indicate that five out of six psychiatrists attributed Darcey’s needless death to factors other than mental illness and at least one of these five to probable pre-meditated spousal revenge. We are told that threats were made to her mother – that she would “pay” and that she would not see her children again. What can we do to prevent more vulnerable little children like Darcey from meeting such a horrible and unfathomable fate? It is vital to spread the message that there are ways of resolving disputes which allow everybody – the mother, the father and especially the children - to move on from family breakdown and to have full and meaningful lives. http://bit.ly/fwztoB

Managing Grief and Loss in the Context of Family Breakdown

The rite of passage from a marriage or marital type relationship to being single and the mythical journey across the River Stix after death are similar in many ways. The five stages of grief in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s seminal 1969 work, “On Grief and Dying”, are still helpful in understanding the grief and loss associated with marital and family breakdown. “Denial” gives time to adjust to the initial shock. “Anger” is normal and can provide much needed energy for the growth process triggered by the relationship ending. “Bargaining” in one way or another is part of desperate last ditch attempts to reverse the process of loss. “Depression” occurs when the loss appears inevitable and sadness threatens to engulf the grieving person. “Acceptance” heralds the end of the journey and is accompanied by neither positive nor negative emotion, but rather by letting go and seeking an end to the pain. Grieving a loss is not a linear process and those who grieve will go in and out of the above five stages until they are ready to move forward. For those moving on after separation and divorce and those who have lost partners to death, there is hope of a new and better life - much like the believer’s afterlife. They will, however, have the best outcomes if during recovery they are supported and advised by professionals sensitive to their unique progression through the grieving process. Denise Britton B Soc Wk, M Litt (Psych), MAPsS, MAASW Partner Brisbane Mediations http://bit.ly/er6rqb

Update on Shared Parenting

Update on the Shared Parenting aspects of the Family Law Act and recent decisions:

http://bit.ly/gsO8sq

Claims premarital counselling reduces risk of separation and divorce

http://bit.ly/f8Eo4h
A Catholic Priest and Protestant Pastor in Texas, USA have promoted premarital counselling as a means of reducing the risk of marriage breakdown. This is consistent with research presented at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (see National [USA] Directory of Marriage and Family Counselling) indicating that premarital counselling reduces the risk of divorce by up to 30%.

Mediating relationship disputes involving small property pools

Property settlements involving small pools are often among the hardest disputes to mediate.

The "pool" is the term lawyers use to describe the net value of the property arising from the relationship after deducting the liabilities.

The mediator must of course recognise that even a very modest pool is important to the parties.A problem that can arise is the proportion that the legal costs of the parties bears to the total size of the pool if the dispute is not resolved at mediation and has to go to court.

Regardless of the small size of the pool, the emotional issues between the parties can be just as intense and sometimes more so, with an additional layer of anger arising from a party having to move on from a low asset base.

If the matter has to proceed to court, then it must go through the same steps and stages as a more complex dispute and consequently the legal costs will still be significant, further depleting the already small pool.

The difficulty for the mediator is that he or she may know that it does not make sense for the matter to go to court, however unfortunately the disputing parties may be driven by emotion rather than logic.Regardless of the legal costs that may flow from proceeding to court, pride, emotional pain or wanting to rectify a past wrong may come between a party and settlement, with one or other or both parties refusing to compromise.This is not of course to suggest that one party should compromise for the sake of it where the other party is being totally unreasonable, however if the gap between them narrows to the point where settlement is possible then potential costs should become an issue.

The mediator can only point out the importance of trying to reach a resolution to preserve as much as possible of the pool for the parties.The mediator can feel additional pressure in these circumstances to help the parties achieve a resolution in their own interest, and feel disappointment if not successful.

Sometimes where parties are clearly acting emotionally rather than logically, the answer may lie in referring them to counselling to deal with their emotional issues before attending or returning to mediation and sense may eventually prevail with a settlement being reached before significant costs accrue.

Ultimately however it is the parties' dispute and if a resolution is not achievable then court with consequent costs may unfortunately result.

Mike Emerson

Claims premarital counselling reduces risk of separation and divorce

http://http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/news/2011/mar/11/jp_pre_marital_030511_130875/

A Catholic Priest and Protestant Pastor in Texas, USA have promoted premarital counselling as a means of reducing the risk of marriage breakdown. This is consistent with research presented at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (see National [USA] Directory of Marriage and Family Counselling) indicating that premarital counselling reduces the risk of divorce by up to 30%.

Australian peace messenger dies

http://bit.ly/fPYQWY
Stella Cornelius, prominent Australian peace activist has died at 91, leaving the message to "Create centres of loving kindness wherever you go".

Ms Cornelius was co-founder of the Conflict Resolution Network which encouraged training in alternative dispute resolution across many sectors.

She was recognised for her work with an Order of Australia, an Honorary Doctorate from Macquarie University and the title of "Peace Messenger" awarded by the United Nations. She was also acclaimed for her work by Nelson Mandela in 2000.

Her legacy is appreciated by those of us who follow her.

Interesting article regarding importance of early intervention in preventing escalation of Workplace disputes

http://www.personneltoday.com/articles/2011/03/02/57421/avoid-the-pitfalls-of-discipline-and-grievance.html

Testing the Sustainability of Your Marriage

A study by Aron and Lewandowski in New Jersey has identified a process called "self-expansion" as a key to marital success. the research found that the more self expansion people can achieve with their partners, the more satisfying their relationships. To measure this factor in marriage Dr Lewandowski has developed a quiz which measures how much people's intimate relationships expand their knowledge of themselves and make them feel positive about themselves. Go to the article by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times to see the test for yourself.http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/31/the-sustainable-marriage-quiz/?ref=taraparkerpope

Mediation a good option for veteran emergency services workers

In counselling emergency service workers I have found many of the veterans of long careers feel caught in a time warp arising from massive changes in their fields over the past fifteen to twenty years.

It is common for these workers to lament times gone by when their service was run at a neighbourhood level - from the raising of funds to the dispatching of crews. They often recall feeling more supported by management who had more realistic expectations than they feel exist today.

Whilst skill levels, response times and outcomes may have improved, members of these services often report that they used to feel closer to their communities, more valued and more fulfilled in their work "in the old days" than they do now. Standards and practices have moved forward but with these changes has come inevitable depersonalization and workers often feel like little cogs in a big impersonal wheel.

The workers often blame "management" and a common cry is, "They didn't support me when I needed it and now I am on my own". Mediation before the situation becomes so critical could be the answer for some of these workers.

For others, counselling will be more effective. I often encourage these workers to liken their career experience to a successful relationship that has been mutually rewarding for a long time, but may have run its course. I help them consider all available options and look at other ways they might be able to utilise their skills and experience - perhaps even outside emergency services.

Denise Britton

Testing the Sustainability of Your Marriage

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/31/the-sustainable-marriage-quiz/?ref=taraparkerpope A study by Aron and Lewandowski in New Jersey has identified a process called "self-expansion" as a key to marital success. The research found that the more self expansion people can achieve with their partners, the more satisfying their relationships. To measure this factor in marriage Dr Lewandowski has developed a quiz which measures how much people's intimate relationships expand their knowledge of themselves and make them feel positive about themselves. Go to the article by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times to see the test for yourself

Shared Parenting Reforms

Take a look at latest research on outcomes of 2006 shared parenting reforms.

Click here to download

What Does a Mediator Do?

An interview between ABC radio announcer Kellie Higgins-Devine and Brisbane Mediations principle Mike Emerson, broadcasted on the 10/06/10.

612 ABC Radio Article

Brisbane Mediations