"Meaningful Relationship between Parent and Child"

"Meaningful Relationship" between a Parent and a Child at Different Stages of the Child's Development

From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.

For the neonate (from birth to three or four months), a meaningful relationship with a “parent” (and that word is not necessarily attached to biology when used in a psychological sense) is one on which the tiny human depends for his / her very survival. Basic physical needs must be met and the baby learns to trust - a vital requirement for normal human development - based on cries of hunger and discomfort being responded to appropriately. The child needs relationships with adults who are not egocentrically driven and put the child’s needs first. There should be allowance for the neonate to have at least one primary carer and the relationship of the child with secondary attachment figures should not be at the expense of the primary relationship or relationships.

Non-resident parents of neonates need to accept the need for the child in the first instance to spend most of its time sleeping and feeding. Times with the child for this parent in a separated situation should be short and frequent and ideally cause minimal disruption to the routine of the child and the primary attachment figure/s. This has special meaning if the child is breast fed in which case the right of the child to establish a bond with the mother in a peaceful way should be respected.

Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator