Anger Management 101 : #4 Arguments

So your partner hasn’t done the washing up again, and you are angry about it. Time for an argument, right?

Wrong – here are our tips for dealing with situations which make you angry, and usually lead to arguments, in more effective ways, so the chores get done, and you don’t make yourself unhappy in the process.

TIP 1 – take time out

When we get angry, every grievance under the sun can rear its ugly head. Like the trash that didn’t get taken out last Tuesday, or the lawn that didn’t get mown at the weekend. Walking away and taking time to reflect before discussing the issue at hand (it’s the washing up remember) can help both of you to calm down before the dialogue begins.

TIP 2 – chill

So you’ve walked away from a potential screaming match, but the rage is still burning inside you. What next? Do whatever it takes to get your energy down and back to normal. Talk a walk, listen to some music, and make it clear to the other person you are doing this. Say “lets talk in half an hour” rather than stomping off.

TIP 3 – choose your battles

You’ve taken time out, you’ve calmed down, now its time to come back and deal with the issue which made you angry in the first place. Now you are thinking rationally, you can address the problem, and see it more clearly for what it is. Was there a reason he didn’t get his chores done? Was it a one off? Or do you need a discussion about who’s doing which tasks around the place and when.

Dealing with your emotions as separate and distinct from the subject matter of your argument sets the stage for resolution, and leads to more productive discussions about things which are bothering you.