PEACE TALKS - Life is for Living, not for Litigating

Are you allowing conflict to dominate your life?

When the wheels fall off our relationships, of course we all need time to adjust and to grieve what might have been as well as the loss of the best aspects of what was.

However, as our parents always told us when we were kids (and most of us didn't have a clue what they meant until we were of 'more mature years'), "Life's very short".

A popular fridge magnet in keeping with this theme states, "Life's too short for bad wine".  How true!

In Queensland we are lucky to live in one of the World's idyllic locations - geographically, socially, culturally and politically - no matter what our beliefs or political bent. 

After separation, the best favour you can do yourself and your children (if you are lucky enough to have them) is to find a timely and user friendly way to resolve issues with your ex so that you can move closer to enjoying the lifestyle you all deserve.

Don't waste a second more than you have to on pointless and expensive escalation of conflict.  Try mediation - with or without your lawyer present.  There is so much to experience in life and no time to lose.

PEACE TALKS - Easter. What's it all about?

It's hard to believe that Easter's almost upon us when we have only just mastered writing 2013!

For so many Brisbane families Easter is a great time to hit the road, grab a wave, pitch a tent, savour the last of the warm weather and kiss summer goodbye.

For others - including those who have recently separated - there is the potential for this to be a time of sadness as past holiday fun is recalled, problems arise about finances and impossible issues have to be resolved such as, "Who's having the kids?"

Whether Easter for your family is about bunnies, chickens or even bilbies delivering impossibly large loads of chocolate eggs or about the Christian message of new life, it is a great opportunity for parents to give their children a message of unconditional love, generosity and hope.

What better way than through the example of reasonable communication and mutual trust?

Happy Easter from Brisbane Mediations!

Children and New Partners

When separated parents re-partner, their children react in a range of ways - some healthy and others destructive.

Each child's unique grief reaction and adjustment to their parents' separation should be considered before introducing them to even the idea of new partners.

After separation, it is most important to maintain open communication between children and parents. Whilst being as honest as possible with them, however, parents should not expect their children to instantly applaud or even accept a decision to re-partner, especially if the other parent sees the new partner as responsible for the end of the relationship. Similarly, children should not be expected to immediately treat a parent's new partner as a parent.

If expected to cope with such a major change prematurely, there is a risk that children will recoil from or even refuse a relationship with the re-parenting parent and that they will align themselves - sometimes exclusively - with the other parent.

The good news is that given time and sensitive support children can adapt to new parenting situations, including quite complex blended families in more than one household. The key to success is to introduce such changes at the child's pace, with support, and with sensitivity.

As children are treated with respect by new partners, trust can grow and relationships independent of either parent will hopefully develop. This process cannot be forced and relies on the maturity and patience of the re-parenting parent, step-parent and, of course, the other parent.

Denise Britton - Co-Principal, Brisbane Mediations