Children and New Partners

When separated parents re-partner, their children react in a range of ways - some healthy and others destructive.

Each child's unique grief reaction and adjustment to their parents' separation should be considered before introducing them to even the idea of new partners.

After separation, it is most important to maintain open communication between children and parents. Whilst being as honest as possible with them, however, parents should not expect their children to instantly applaud or even accept a decision to re-partner, especially if the other parent sees the new partner as responsible for the end of the relationship. Similarly, children should not be expected to immediately treat a parent's new partner as a parent.

If expected to cope with such a major change prematurely, there is a risk that children will recoil from or even refuse a relationship with the re-parenting parent and that they will align themselves - sometimes exclusively - with the other parent.

The good news is that given time and sensitive support children can adapt to new parenting situations, including quite complex blended families in more than one household. The key to success is to introduce such changes at the child's pace, with support, and with sensitivity.

As children are treated with respect by new partners, trust can grow and relationships independent of either parent will hopefully develop. This process cannot be forced and relies on the maturity and patience of the re-parenting parent, step-parent and, of course, the other parent.

Denise Britton - Co-Principal, Brisbane Mediations