"I'm leaving you....." Practical advice for getting out of a toxic relationship

It's a sad fact of the modern world that despite advances in mobility, equality and self-awareness, too many people are stuck in toxic relationships. And part of the reason for this, is that once you are in a controlling relationship, it's very difficult to know how to get out of it.

The most important thing you need to take on board if you are considering leaving is that leaving is a continuing and evolving process, involving many stage, NOT a single event. You need to have made some preparations before saying those words "I'm leaving you..."

Here are some practical points to consider if you know you're stuck but don't know what to do next:-

Safety

Assess your level of safety. Does your partner's controlling behaviour involve physical violence or aggression directed towards you? Even if violence has not been a problem in the past, feelings of anger and grief which can arise over a break up can trigger violence. Consider whether you need a support person with you, consider whether you are comfortable staying around once you have told your partner the relationship is over. And do all of this with your own personal safety forefront in your mind.

Support

It's likely your partner's controlling behaviour has resulted in your support networks being dwindles. You need to re-establish there so you have someone to talk to and people who will have your back if things get nasty. Do you have family and friends you can rely on? Do you neeed professonal support from a psychologist or therapist? Perhaps a meeting with a mediator to arrange mediation taunt in place parenting arrangements with your soon to be ex partner would be helpful. Think about what you are going to need, and take the first steps to get these support networks in place.

Set your path

Think about your short, medium and long term goals. Not easy when you have or are just bout to turn your life upside down, but this needs to be done and planning it out, either in your head, or getting it down on paper can help you to focus. For example, where are you going to live? If you have kids, what arrangements are you going to make for them? Are you planning to stay in the home and ask your partner to leave? Set your goals and start making plans, and remember to seek professional help if things get sticky. You can't do this alone.

So these are the practical steps you need to be thinking about if you are considering leaving. Tomorrow we'll focus on the emotional side of getting through this difficult period. We're not saying it's going to be easy, but with the right advice and the right support, you can do it.