PEACE TALKS - Mental Health issues and Family Separation

Family Law professionals often hear that one or both parents in a separated family are struggling with some sort of mental illness.

Family Report Writers, Psychologists and Psychiatrists  are expected to give opinions as to the likely impact of mental health issues on parenting capacity.

Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners may be faced with one parent's claims that the other presents a risk to the children and the retort is likely to not only be contradictory but to also point a finger towards the first parent's mental health.

Judicial officers often have the unenviable task of making decisions in the best interests of children when the mental health of Family Law litigants is in dispute.

Some signposts to consider in navigating these issues are:

• What is the medical / psychiatric history of both parties?
• What is the evidence, not just of any diagnoses, but also of  behaviours considered inconsistent with "good enough parenting"?
• When did the problem first emerge?
• Was the "breakdown" first noted at the time of separation (a time of high stress often associated with aberrant and "one-off" behaviours)?
• What evidence is there of concerning symptoms since separation?
• What actions has the alleged sufferer  taken to ameliorate symptoms and prevent relapse?
• To what extent was the alleged sufferer entrusted with care of children prior to separation?
• What has changed since separation?
• What is the range of possible factors motivating parties to express such concerns?

Children’s Adjustment to Repartnering of Parents

When separated parents re-partner, their children react in a range of ways- some healthy and others destructive.

Each child’s unique grief reaction and adjustment to their parent’s separation should be considered before introducing them to even the idea of new partners.

After separation, it is most important to maintain open communication between children and parents. Whilst being as honest as possible with them, however, parents should not expect their children to instantly applaud or even accept a decision to re-partner, especially if the other parent sees the new partner as responsible for the end of the parents’ relationship. Similarly, children should not be expected to immediately treat a parent’s new partner as a parental figure.

If expected to cope with such a major change prematurely, there is a risk that children will recoil from or even refuse a relationship with the re-partnering parent and that they will align themselves-sometimes exclusively- with the other parent.

The good news is that given time and sensitive support, most children adapt to new parenting situations, including quite complex blended families in more than one household. The key to success is to introduce such changes at the child’s pace, with support, and with sensitivity.

As children are treated with respect by new partners, trust can grow and relationships independent of either parent will hopefully develop. This process cannot be forced and relies on the maturity and patience of the re-parenting parent, step-parent and, of course the other parent.  

Estate Mediations

Mediation Matters

Today I am at "Round the Table with Mike" which is a free service for people to call in and chat with a mediator about the process generally or to discuss any particular issues.

Round the Table with Mike takes place on the first and third Wednesdays of each month between 4pm and 6pm at the Brisbane Mediations Dispute Resolution Centre.

Patrick Wedge, one of our mediators has called in for a chat. Patrick was in a past life, the Deputy Public Trustee of Queensland and so, as one would expect, has considerable experience in Estate Mediation.

As well as being on our panel, Patrick conducts his own Mediation practice.

I asked Patrick for his opinion as to the cause of estate disputes and his reply was as follows:

" One of the principal reasons for disputes in deceased estates is that people's expectations have not been met. A person may have expected to receive a greater share in an estate or may have been left out completely. Where there is ill feeling with the other beneficiaries in settling the issue, a dispute arises".

I then said to Patrick: "At what stage should people seek to mediate?  Should they mediate as soon as the dispute arises or should they wait until some formal court process is initiated?

 Patrick replied:

"The sooner the parties involved have the opportunity to discuss the issues, the better off they will be emotionally and a solution can be negotiated at mediation".

I once heard estate litigation described as "Family Law from the Grave", and certainly estate disputes can often give rise to the same high level of emotions as Family Law. Mediation with a competent mediator such as Patrick, offers the opportunity for resolving the issues without the high costs and delay of litigation. If handled sensitively, mediation also offers the opportunity to repair the relationship between the disputing parties.

The important thing is to seek advice before everyone becomes too embroiled in the dispute.

Round the Table with Mike

Mediation Matters

Round the Table with Mike will be held again tomorrow 3 April 2013 at the Brisbane Mediations Dispute Resolution Centre, level 8, 225 Wickham Terrace Brisbane from 4pm to 6pm.

Round the Table with Mike provides an opportunity for individuals to meet and talk with a mediator about any aspect of mediation without any  charge or obligation.

Round the Table with Mike takes place on the first and third Wednesdays of each month.

The opportunity exists to meet with a mediator privately or as part of a group to learn more about the mediation process and the advantages of mediation.

More and more parties are learning about the benefits of mediation particularly in avoiding the cost and stress of litigation and the inevitable delays that are part of the court process.

Members of the public are encouraged to drop in anytime between 4pm and 6pm on Wednesday to chat informally with one of our mediators.

While there is no need to book, parties are encouraged to call our manager Joanne McDonald on 3839 7400 to notify of intention to come and to have any preliminary issues clarified.

Brisbane Mediations has over 30 panel members who are able to convene a mediation at short notice to resolve conflict in any field.

For more information we encourage you to look at our website  http://www.brisbanemediations.com.au

We look forward to answering your questions and assisting you.

Mediation Matters

Keeping Up To Speed

As a mediator it is important to keep up to speed with developments in fields in which you conduct mediations.

Many, or dare I say most of my mediations are within the area of relationships and for that reason it is important to keep up with developments and trends in the area of Family Law where I also practise as a consultant.

I find that one of the best ways to do this is to undertake presentations for groups of lawyers in areas and topics of special interest.Doing a presentation involves a number of tasks and skills one of which is to research recent cases to ensure that the presentation is up to date and relevant.

Over the past month I have undertaken a number of presentations to lawyers including the following:

i) A presentation on Advocacy in the Family Law jurisdiction for the Ipswich District Law Association;

ii) One for LegalWise on Running a Successful Legal Practice;

iii) One for Thomson Reuters on Mediation and Negotiation for Lawyers.

All of these presentations were well attended and gave me an opportunity to network and converse with lawyers and to hone my skills.

I enjoy presenting to lawyers and appreciate invitations to present when they do come.

I was also pleased to participate as a guest panellist for the Queensland Chapter of the Institute of Arbitrators and Mediators(IAMA) at it's most recent monthly event and this provided a very worthwhile opportunity to meet and exchange ideas with fellow mediators who confront the same challenges and issues on a daily basis.

Attendance at the Thomson Reuters and LegalWise seminars also gave me the opportunity to hear from other speakers in areas of interest including Employment Law, Discrimination and Ethics.

These days it is simply not enough to hang up your shingle.Changes in the law and developments in mediation are constantly occurring and it is vitally important to keep abreast of these changes if you are committed to assisting parties resolve their disputes outside the court process with it's everpresent costs and delays.

Book your April mediations now

PEACE TALKS

Easter is coming and mediation services will be closed for several days from Good Friday, 29 March.

Are you in dispute over separation issues - parenting or property - or do you want to sort out workplace or estate conflict?

We are always happy to facilitate resolution of disputes in a timely and cost effective way.  Let us show you how to draw a line in the sand so that you can get on with enjoying life in this wonderful country of ours.

Why delay?  Joanne would like to book your intake session or mediation.

Mediate and say GOODBYE to bitterness and conflict and HELLO to a new start! 

PEACE TALKS - Easter. What's it all about?

It's hard to believe that Easter's almost upon us when we have only just mastered writing 2013!

For so many Brisbane families Easter is a great time to hit the road, grab a wave, pitch a tent, savour the last of the warm weather and kiss summer goodbye.

For others - including those who have recently separated - there is the potential for this to be a time of sadness as past holiday fun is recalled, problems arise about finances and impossible issues have to be resolved such as, "Who's having the kids?"

Whether Easter for your family is about bunnies, chickens or even bilbies delivering impossibly large loads of chocolate eggs or about the Christian message of new life, it is a great opportunity for parents to give their children a message of unconditional love, generosity and hope.

What better way than through the example of reasonable communication and mutual trust?

Happy Easter from Brisbane Mediations!