Family and Relationships Mediation

Separation is never easy.   

Talking to your ex is especially difficult when you first split up. 

If you have kids there are lots of things to sort out. Both of you will want to stay close to the children and have a lot of involvement in their day to day lives, but it is often difficult to reach agreement because of all the hurt, pain and anger that is normal at the time of separation.

Even if you and your partner got along fairly well in the past, conversations about the kids and money can result in arguments.  In some cases, communication can completely break down, making it seem impossible to move forward. 

Mediation can help. 

What is Mediation?

At it’s simplest, mediation is a chat assisted by a neutral, independent and professional mediator - about the children, splitting up the assets and how you and the kids are going to manage financially.   

Mediators work with couples involved in family breakdown to help them communicate and agree on arrangements.

Mediators can help you reach agreement about how much time you are each going to have with the kids, how the assets are going to be split and lots of other things as well.

Mediation is designed to save you the cost and distress of having to go to Court.  The court process is expensive with long delays.   It is also highly stressful.  Naturally, it is to be avoided if at all possible. 

How does Mediation work?

Usually one member of the separating couple will decide he / she wants to mediate and their chosen mediation service can then invite the other person to mediate.

Each of you will first up attend an introductory session with the mediator to help you feel comfortable with the mediator and the process.  This session also helps the mediator to understand both sides of the story. 

Each intake normally takes one hour and the mediation itself will usually takes at least half a day.

Mediation provides an opportunity for each of you to put forward your point of view and to be heard by each other in a safe environment. Mediation can help you express feelings without this leading  to arguments, as the mediator will encourage both of you to listen quietly whilst the other is speaking.

The mediator  may, according to his or her training and experience, explain legal principles and possible court outcomes as well as the benefits or disadvantages of various options.

At the end of the mediation, if agreement is reached, the mediator will help you write up a document reflecting the agreement, or if lawyers are present, the lawyers will normally do this.

It is always your right at the end of a mediation to ask to receive legal advice (if your lawyer is not present) before you sign.  Most people who attend mediation do not, however, request this.

Mediation  is the preferred option to use when you split up as it encourages and enables you to maintain amicable relationships with each other into the future.  This is especially important when you have children to consider. After all, they will be your babies as long as you are alive! They want the two of you to be able to get along - at least to the extent needed to make them feel comfortable when they are around you both.

Contact us at Brisbane Mediations

EMAIL resolve@brisbanemediations.com.au

PHONE 07 3839 7400

Where do I go when I am in dispute with someone?

For a long time the answer to this question has usually been to engage a lawyer and file court proceedings. This often results in a dubious outcome, obtained after long delays and very substantial costs that disputing parties can't afford. Relationships are further harmed and if the dispute is one between parents, children are often caught in the crossfire.

Some disputes need a court solution, but many, particularly in the area of relationships are better dealt with without the delays and costs of court proceedings.

Brisbane Mediations offers a new way of resolving disputes in a cost effective, timely and above all respectful way.

Brisbane Mediations is only a phone call away and has the expertise to guide you through the dispute without the disadvantages of court proceedings. In fact, our aim is to keep you out of court and to help you find constructive, cost effective solutions.

Call us- you will be glad you did!

Could conversation ever die out ?

At a time when jobs and even relationships can be terminated by text message and emails are increasingly used to communicate in place of speaking, one could be excused for thinking that conversation may not only be diminished as a form of communication but possibly even die out.

On reading an interesting article contemplating the loss of the spoken word, I came across this prophetic little poem of British poet Louis MacNiece penned as far back as 1957. It is worth a read in our busy day when we are constantly reminded that our " calls may be monitored for training purposes."

                                                         To Posterity

When books have all seized up like the books in graveyards.

And reading and even speaking have been replaced

By other less difficult, media, we wonder if you

Will find in flowers and fruit the same colour and taste

They held for us for whom they were framed in words.

And will your grass be green, your sky be blue.

Or will your birds be always wingless birds?

Good Advice for Separating Parties and All of Us

@BrisMediations: Great advice from Ruth Ostrow - not only for those going through separation and divorce, but for us all! http://t.co/4Odyiq1eh4

Testing the Sustainability of Your Marriage

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/31/the-sustainable-marriage-quiz/?ref=taraparkerpope A study by Aron and Lewandowski in New Jersey has identified a process called "self-expansion" as a key to marital success. The research found that the more self expansion people can achieve with their partners, the more satisfying their relationships. To measure this factor in marriage Dr Lewandowski has developed a quiz which measures how much people's intimate relationships expand their knowledge of themselves and make them feel positive about themselves. Go to the article by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times to see the test for yourself.

New Queensland Domestic Violence Act

The new Queensland Domestic and Family Violence Protection Act takes effect on 17 September 2012.It was the last legislative Act of the Bligh government.

In the second reading speech on the legislation, the then Minister for Community Services and Housing and Minister for Women, the Hon Karen Struthers stated inter alia :

"The definition of domestic violence included in the bill is wider than the definition in the current domestic violence laws.It includes behaviour that is physically or sexually abusive; emotionally, psychologically or economically abusive; threatening or coercive; or behaviour that in any other way controls or dominates another person causing fear.  By including this wider definition, the breadth of behaviours used to control and dominate in a relationship characterised by domestic violence will be captured.  This means that police, magistrates, lawyers and members of the public will be more readily able to identify situations where domestic violence has occurred.  This change is consistent with the views expressed during consultation and with the recommendations made by the Australian Law Reform Commission in its report FamilyViolence - a national legal response released in November 2010."

Mediators will need to be aware of the changes to Domestic Violence Legislation.

Mediation Facilitates Ongoing Relationships

Mediation facilitates ongoing relationships

Mediation is less likely to harm on-going relationships than litigation – commercial arrangements between suppliers and customers; parenting relationships between separated parents with mutual parenting responsibilities to fulfil; or working relationships between co-workers / workers and managers who have clashed in the workplace.

In mediation, disputing parties enlist the assistance of a neutral person (the mediator) to help identify issues in dispute and explore options and alternatives to reach an agreement that will accommodate their respective needs.

With litigation, however, courts review opposing versions of disputes and provide a decision based on the evidence in each side’s affidavits or stories about the dispute and what they say in court. The decision almost always endorses one view of a case and rejects the other, costs often being awarded to the successful party, thereby punishing the other.

Litigation by its very nature highlights and accentuates differences, with barristers’ cross-examinations exposing weaknesses in the other side’s version of events. Mediation on the other hand, looks for common ground and strives for agreement.

Litigation encourages a winner take all approach. Mediation looks for a win/win outcome.

Considerable damage is inevitably done to ongoing personal relationships (for example, between parents or between beneficiaries under a will) when each person, in seeking to have their version accepted, tries to destroy the other’s case. Similarly, in the commercial field, time in court is highly unlikely to engender an ongoing relationship – particularly when at the end of the day one party is the victor and the other the vanquished, left to pick up the pieces.

When a result is imposed by a court, one party may leave the courtroom happy and the other disgruntled and bitter. The trial process has most likely eroded the previous relationship even more and increased the chance that these people will struggle indefinitely to relate into the future – personally or commercially, as the case may be.

At Mediation, however, seemingly warring parties often shake hands or communicate in a genial manner at the end of the day, a copy of the signed agreement in hand as they leave. A result has been reached by consensus rather than by being imposed by a stranger.

Dignity has been maintained and the vestiges of a relationship remain intact with a chance of enrichment in the future. In the commercial arena there is every chance that the parties will continue their mutually beneficial relationship, particularly where they have found a solution which ultimately accommodates the needs of both.

Mediation involves savings, not only in material costs, but also in costs to relationships.

Guide to Mediation

Brisbane Mediations has issued a new 'Guide to Mediations' specially designed to assist psychologists in their practice.

The publication is purpose driven to address the needs of psychologists and their clients and contains a cross-section of information explaining mediation and how it is practised.

Included in the publication are the following topics:

* Mediation across the Board
* Mediation Facilitates Ongoing Relationships
* Mediation in the Workplace Saves Jobs & Money
* Introduction to The Family Law Act
* Resolution of Domestic Conflict the Brisbane Mediations Way
* Mediating Prenuptial and Cohabitation Agreements Protects Relationships
* Children's Adjustment to Repartnering of Parents
* Hearing the voice of Young People at Mediation

Copies of the publication can be provided to psychologists contacting the practice manager of Brisbane Mediations on (07) 3839 7400.

Mediation and Relationships

One of the advantages of Mediation is that it is less likely to harm on-going relationships than litigation. This is particularly important where people in dispute need to maintain an ongoing relationship - commercial arrangements between suppliers and customers; parenting relationships between separated parents who have parenting responsibilities to fulfil; or working relationships between co-workers who have clashed in the workplace.

Mediation is a process where disputing parties enlist the assistance of a neutral person (the mediator) to help identify issues in dispute and explore options and alternatives to reach an agreement that will accommodate their respective needs.

Litigation on the other hand involves parties using courts to review opposing factual versions of disputes and provide a decision based on the evidence provided by each side (in their affidavits or stories) of the dispute. The decision almost always effectively endorses one view of a case and rejects the other and often costs are awarded to the successful party, effectively punishing the other.

Litigation by its very nature highlights and accentuates differences – as presented in affidavits and as each counsel cross examines the other party to expose weaknesses in their version of events. Mediation , on the other hand, looks for common ground and strives for agreement.
Litigation encourages a winner take all approach whereas Mediation looks for a win/win outcome.

Considerable damage can be done to on-going personal relationships (for example, between parents or between beneficiaries under a will) where one person, in seeking to have his or her version accepted, has to try to destroy the other person’s case. Similarly, in the commercial field, time in court is highly unlikely to engender an ongoing relationship - particularly when at the end of the day one party is the victor and the other the vanquished, left to pick up the pieces.
When a result is imposed by a court, one party may leave the court room happy and the other disgruntled and bitter. Evidence given during the trial has most likely eroded the previous relationship even more and increased the chance that these two parties will struggle indefinitely to relate into the future –personally or commercially as the case may be.

At Mediation , however, seemingly warring parties often shake hands or communicate in a genial manner at the end of the day, with a copy of the signed agreement in hand as they head off. A result has been reached by consensus rather than by the imposition of a decision by a stranger. Dignity has been maintained and the vestiges of a relationship remain intact with a chance of enrichment in the future. In the commercial arena there is every chance that the parties will continue their mutually beneficial relationship, particularly where they have found a solution which ultimately takes account of and accommodates the needs (often different from the wants) of each.

It is easy to see why Mediation is often said to involve a saving, not only in material costs, but also in costs to relationships.

Mike Emerson

Mediation and Relationships

One of the advantages of Mediation is that it is less likely to harm on-going relationships than litigation. This is particularly important where people in dispute need to maintain an ongoing relationship - commercial arrangements between suppliers and customers; parenting relationships between separated parents who have parenting responsibilities to fulfil; or working relationships between co-workers who have clashed in the workplace.
Mediation is a process where disputing parties enlist the assistance of a neutral person (the mediator) to help identify issues in dispute and explore options and alternatives to reach an agreement that will accommodate their respective needs.
Litigation on the other hand involves parties using courts to review opposing factual versions of disputes and provide a decision based on the evidence provided by each side (in their affidavits or stories) of the dispute. The decision almost always effectively endorses one view of a case and rejects the other and often costs are awarded to the successful party, effectively punishing the other.
Litigation by its very nature highlights and accentuates differences – as presented in affidavits and as each counsel cross examines the other party to expose weaknesses in their version of events. Mediation , on the other hand, looks for common ground and strives for agreement.
Litigation encourages a winner take all approach whereas Mediation looks for a win/win outcome.
Considerable damage can be done to on-going personal relationships (for example, between parents or between beneficiaries under a will) where one person, in seeking to have his or her version accepted, has to try to destroy the other person’s case. Similarly, in the commercial field, time in court is highly unlikely to engender an ongoing relationship - particularly when at the end of the day one party is the victor and the other the vanquished, left to pick up the pieces.
When a result is imposed by a court, one party may leave the court room happy and the other disgruntled and bitter. Evidence given during the trial has most likely eroded the previous relationship even more and increased the chance that these two parties will struggle indefinitely to relate into the future –personally or commercially as the case may be.
At Mediation , however, seemingly warring parties often shake hands or communicate in a genial manner at the end of the day, with a copy of the signed agreement in hand as they head off. A result has been reached by consensus rather than by the imposition of a decision by a stranger. Dignity has been maintained and the vestiges of a relationship remain intact with a chance of enrichment in the future. In the commercial arena there is every chance that the parties will continue their mutually beneficial relationship, particularly where they have found a solution which ultimately takes account of and accommodates the needs (often different from the wants) of each.
It is easy to see why Mediation is often said to involve a saving, not only in material costs, but also in costs to relationships.

Mike Emerson

Co-Principal Brisbane Mediations

Testing the Sustainability of Your Marriage

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/31/the-sustainable-marriage-quiz/?ref=taraparkerpope A study by Aron and Lewandowski in New Jersey has identified a process called "self-expansion" as a key to marital success. The research found that the more self expansion people can achieve with their partners, the more satisfying their relationships. To measure this factor in marriage Dr Lewandowski has developed a quiz which measures how much people's intimate relationships expand their knowledge of themselves and make them feel positive about themselves. Go to the article by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times to see the test for yourself