Brisbane Mediations has issued a new 'Guide to Mediations' specially designed to assist psychologists in their practice.
The publication is purpose driven to address the needs of psychologists and their clients and contains a cross-section of information explaining mediation and how it is practised.
Included in the publication are the following topics:
* Mediation across the Board
* Mediation Facilitates Ongoing Relationships
* Mediation in the Workplace Saves Jobs & Money
* Introduction to The Family Law Act
* Resolution of Domestic Conflict the Brisbane Mediations Way
* Mediating Prenuptial and Cohabitation Agreements Protects Relationships
* Children's Adjustment to Repartnering of Parents
* Hearing the voice of Young People at Mediation
Copies of the publication can be provided to psychologists contacting the practice manager of Brisbane Mediations on (07) 3839 7400.
Showing posts with label child inclusive mediation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child inclusive mediation. Show all posts
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday, August 15, 2011
Meaningful Relationship between Parent a Child – Part 3
“Meaningful Relationship” between a Parent and a Child at Different Stages of the Child’s Development
From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.
For toddlers from one to three years of age, attachment to the primary carer and to other interested persons takes on major significance, especially when considering the viability of contact with non-resident parents. The most important prerequisite for secure attachment is thought to be the sensitive responsiveness of the caregiver to the infant's needs – especially to states such as anxiety, fear, fatigue and illness. Secure attachment leads to a sense of control over the environment, as the infant starts to venture further and further away from attachment figures and to develop a sense of self worth.
In the second and third years of a child's life, all areas of development proceed at an enormous rate – from fine and gross motor skills to social and imaginative play which involves cooperation and the taking on of roles such as leader and follower. Normal three year olds can communicate quite complex ideas in comprehensible sentences and have extensive vocabularies, even tailoring speech to suit their listeners' needs (Schatz and Gelman, 1973). From this capacity to communicate comes early socialization and the ability to form many levels of relationship across all age groups. Associated with the toddler's discovery of a sense of autonomy – a self separate from the primary attachment figure and able to make decisions which do not necessarily correspond with the requirements of the carer - is a period of negativism which is often described as the "terrible twos" or "terrible threes" and is associated with the continual use of the word. "NO". Children at this age need firm and appropriate limits at the same time as they need the sense of security which allows them to test their emerging abilities. Parents and other carers need patience, persistence, and a clear and positive sense of self to handle them appropriately.
A meaningful relationship with a parent at this age requires frequent contact since toddlers lack the ability to hold memories of attachment figures for extended periods of time (Lund, 2005). Provided logistically possible and practicable, a more equitable form of shared care, including overnight stays with the contact parent, can be considered – provided the child is attached to the contact parent and the contact parent has necessary parenting skills. If the toddler has coped with overnight stays with babysitters, sleeps through the night, allows the contact parent to comfort him or her in stressful situations and the contact parent's home is appropriately equipped, this augers well for extension of contact periods. Secure attachment to both the primary and contact carers will predispose to a successful increase in time with the contact parent.
Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator
From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.
For toddlers from one to three years of age, attachment to the primary carer and to other interested persons takes on major significance, especially when considering the viability of contact with non-resident parents. The most important prerequisite for secure attachment is thought to be the sensitive responsiveness of the caregiver to the infant's needs – especially to states such as anxiety, fear, fatigue and illness. Secure attachment leads to a sense of control over the environment, as the infant starts to venture further and further away from attachment figures and to develop a sense of self worth.
In the second and third years of a child's life, all areas of development proceed at an enormous rate – from fine and gross motor skills to social and imaginative play which involves cooperation and the taking on of roles such as leader and follower. Normal three year olds can communicate quite complex ideas in comprehensible sentences and have extensive vocabularies, even tailoring speech to suit their listeners' needs (Schatz and Gelman, 1973). From this capacity to communicate comes early socialization and the ability to form many levels of relationship across all age groups. Associated with the toddler's discovery of a sense of autonomy – a self separate from the primary attachment figure and able to make decisions which do not necessarily correspond with the requirements of the carer - is a period of negativism which is often described as the "terrible twos" or "terrible threes" and is associated with the continual use of the word. "NO". Children at this age need firm and appropriate limits at the same time as they need the sense of security which allows them to test their emerging abilities. Parents and other carers need patience, persistence, and a clear and positive sense of self to handle them appropriately.
A meaningful relationship with a parent at this age requires frequent contact since toddlers lack the ability to hold memories of attachment figures for extended periods of time (Lund, 2005). Provided logistically possible and practicable, a more equitable form of shared care, including overnight stays with the contact parent, can be considered – provided the child is attached to the contact parent and the contact parent has necessary parenting skills. If the toddler has coped with overnight stays with babysitters, sleeps through the night, allows the contact parent to comfort him or her in stressful situations and the contact parent's home is appropriately equipped, this augers well for extension of contact periods. Secure attachment to both the primary and contact carers will predispose to a successful increase in time with the contact parent.
Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator
Friday, August 12, 2011
Meaningful Relationship between Parent and Child – Part 2
“Meaningful Relationship” between a Parent and a Child at Different Stages of the Child’s Development
From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.
For Infants from four to twelve months of age, the need for sleep declines and the need for socialization and cognitive stimulation gradually increases. At about six to eight months, normal infants discriminate between the people they come into contact with and prefer one or two special people over all others. Even with a maternal primary caregiver, some babies attach to the father or a grandparent or older sibling in preference to the mother. Others do not form single attachments at all and make multiple attachments simultaneously. I like the observations of Schaffer (Schaffer and Emerson, 1964) that:
…being attached to several people does not necessarily imply a shallower feeling towards each one for an infant's capacity for attachment is not like a cake that has to be shared out. Love, even in babies, has no limits (1977, p 108).
I wish parents would remember this when locked in mortal combat over the amount of time they are having with their infant children.
Children of this age typically display (normal) separation anxiety when the distance between them and their mother becomes uncomfortable, the mother providing a secure base from which the infant can explore the immediate environment and the distance travelled in these excursions becoming greater over time. A meaningful relationship for a typical father (as opposed to a father who is the primary carer) at this time will be focused on play and socialisation (whilst they still need to be aware of and responsive to the child’s physical needs). We know there are benefits to children cognitively and emotionally from the greater physical stimulation and louder communication provided by fathers over mothers. The latter tend to be more soothing and calming in their interaction although some experts believe that when a father is the primary caregiver, he is more likely to behave like a mother would be expected to behave - that is, more like a classic nurturer than a fun figure (Field, 1978; Lamb, 1997). Children ideally should have a balance of parenting styles.
Regular overnight stays away from the primary carer are not usually recommended at this stage of development. Common sense tells us that the average infant can cope with occasional sleep-overs without the primary carer, provided familiarity is maintained in their normal routine and they are not left with strangers. It may be that as our thinking advances further, it will be realized that in separated families, both parents can safely spend substantial periods of time with children who are even this young. Cooperation between parents and synchrony in routines will minimize negative impact on the infant. The ideal at this age is generally considered to be one or two hours at a time with the non-resident parent several days a week, so that the infant can learn to trust this parent as well as his or her primary carer (Wallerstein, Lewis and Blakeslee, 2000). Such an arrangement allows for a meaningful relationship with the child for the non-resident parent as well as the resident parent.
Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator
From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.
For Infants from four to twelve months of age, the need for sleep declines and the need for socialization and cognitive stimulation gradually increases. At about six to eight months, normal infants discriminate between the people they come into contact with and prefer one or two special people over all others. Even with a maternal primary caregiver, some babies attach to the father or a grandparent or older sibling in preference to the mother. Others do not form single attachments at all and make multiple attachments simultaneously. I like the observations of Schaffer (Schaffer and Emerson, 1964) that:
…being attached to several people does not necessarily imply a shallower feeling towards each one for an infant's capacity for attachment is not like a cake that has to be shared out. Love, even in babies, has no limits (1977, p 108).
I wish parents would remember this when locked in mortal combat over the amount of time they are having with their infant children.
Children of this age typically display (normal) separation anxiety when the distance between them and their mother becomes uncomfortable, the mother providing a secure base from which the infant can explore the immediate environment and the distance travelled in these excursions becoming greater over time. A meaningful relationship for a typical father (as opposed to a father who is the primary carer) at this time will be focused on play and socialisation (whilst they still need to be aware of and responsive to the child’s physical needs). We know there are benefits to children cognitively and emotionally from the greater physical stimulation and louder communication provided by fathers over mothers. The latter tend to be more soothing and calming in their interaction although some experts believe that when a father is the primary caregiver, he is more likely to behave like a mother would be expected to behave - that is, more like a classic nurturer than a fun figure (Field, 1978; Lamb, 1997). Children ideally should have a balance of parenting styles.
Regular overnight stays away from the primary carer are not usually recommended at this stage of development. Common sense tells us that the average infant can cope with occasional sleep-overs without the primary carer, provided familiarity is maintained in their normal routine and they are not left with strangers. It may be that as our thinking advances further, it will be realized that in separated families, both parents can safely spend substantial periods of time with children who are even this young. Cooperation between parents and synchrony in routines will minimize negative impact on the infant. The ideal at this age is generally considered to be one or two hours at a time with the non-resident parent several days a week, so that the infant can learn to trust this parent as well as his or her primary carer (Wallerstein, Lewis and Blakeslee, 2000). Such an arrangement allows for a meaningful relationship with the child for the non-resident parent as well as the resident parent.
Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator
Monday, August 1, 2011
"Meaningful Relationship between Parent and Child"
"Meaningful Relationship" between a Parent and a Child at Different Stages of the Child's Development
From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.
For the neonate (from birth to three or four months), a meaningful relationship with a “parent” (and that word is not necessarily attached to biology when used in a psychological sense) is one on which the tiny human depends for his / her very survival. Basic physical needs must be met and the baby learns to trust - a vital requirement for normal human development - based on cries of hunger and discomfort being responded to appropriately. The child needs relationships with adults who are not egocentrically driven and put the child’s needs first. There should be allowance for the neonate to have at least one primary carer and the relationship of the child with secondary attachment figures should not be at the expense of the primary relationship or relationships.
Non-resident parents of neonates need to accept the need for the child in the first instance to spend most of its time sleeping and feeding. Times with the child for this parent in a separated situation should be short and frequent and ideally cause minimal disruption to the routine of the child and the primary attachment figure/s. This has special meaning if the child is breast fed in which case the right of the child to establish a bond with the mother in a peaceful way should be respected.
Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator
From a psychological standpoint, a meaningful relationship between a parent and a child is quite different at different developmental stages in a child’s life, based on varying needs of children as they grow.
For the neonate (from birth to three or four months), a meaningful relationship with a “parent” (and that word is not necessarily attached to biology when used in a psychological sense) is one on which the tiny human depends for his / her very survival. Basic physical needs must be met and the baby learns to trust - a vital requirement for normal human development - based on cries of hunger and discomfort being responded to appropriately. The child needs relationships with adults who are not egocentrically driven and put the child’s needs first. There should be allowance for the neonate to have at least one primary carer and the relationship of the child with secondary attachment figures should not be at the expense of the primary relationship or relationships.
Non-resident parents of neonates need to accept the need for the child in the first instance to spend most of its time sleeping and feeding. Times with the child for this parent in a separated situation should be short and frequent and ideally cause minimal disruption to the routine of the child and the primary attachment figure/s. This has special meaning if the child is breast fed in which case the right of the child to establish a bond with the mother in a peaceful way should be respected.
Denise Britton, Psychologist and Mediator
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Family Mediation - One Size Doesn't Fit All
When there is conflict between separated couples over parenting and/or property, Mediation is a means of dispute resolution which can be adapted to the needs of the mediating parties and the nature of their dispute.
Sometimes, it is to the advantage of all concerned for a mediation to be conducted and completed over the course of one day, a comprehensive agreement being signed that same day.
In other cases because of: the personalities of the parties, the stage they have reached in respect of their emotional separation, the complexities of their dispute or the availability of the parties or their legal advisers, mediation might be best conducted over a period of time in smaller chunks.
The latter approach allows for parties struggling to adjust to their separation to deal with and adapt to changes in their lives one step at a time. For some, to attempt to make overarching decisions about financial or children's matters once and for all at their first mediation session is simply overwhelming and too daunting.
Time to consider and adapt is something that should never be denied to mediating parties if this is what they believe they need.
Most experienced mediators sensitive to their clients' needs know that some people need to discuss the options on the table with trusted advisers before signing off on an agreement.
Others like to trial the success of new arrangements (particularly in respect of children) before reviewing them and taking a further step. This is especially the case in matters involving very young children whose routines will be significantly altered by the proposed agreement.
Similarly, some parties will want their mediator to give them advice on what is best for their children or what is likely to happen should they not agree at mediation and go to court instead. Others want a mediator to only use their mediation skills to effect a resolution and would prefer to seek counsel from their own advisers.
Some want their children's views ascertained by a qualified child consultant who informs the mediation. Others see this as unduly stressful for their children.
If a mediation service has a "one size fits all" approach to mediation, then there is reason for concern. Mediation is about the needs of the parties, not those of the mediator.
Look for suitably qualified, experienced and flexible mediators willing to tailor their processes to the needs of their clients. Remember the old adage, "If all the workman has in his toolkit is a hammer, then every job he does will require a nail."
Denise Britton
Co-Principal and Psychologist
Brisbane Mediations
Sometimes, it is to the advantage of all concerned for a mediation to be conducted and completed over the course of one day, a comprehensive agreement being signed that same day.
In other cases because of: the personalities of the parties, the stage they have reached in respect of their emotional separation, the complexities of their dispute or the availability of the parties or their legal advisers, mediation might be best conducted over a period of time in smaller chunks.
The latter approach allows for parties struggling to adjust to their separation to deal with and adapt to changes in their lives one step at a time. For some, to attempt to make overarching decisions about financial or children's matters once and for all at their first mediation session is simply overwhelming and too daunting.
Time to consider and adapt is something that should never be denied to mediating parties if this is what they believe they need.
Most experienced mediators sensitive to their clients' needs know that some people need to discuss the options on the table with trusted advisers before signing off on an agreement.
Others like to trial the success of new arrangements (particularly in respect of children) before reviewing them and taking a further step. This is especially the case in matters involving very young children whose routines will be significantly altered by the proposed agreement.
Similarly, some parties will want their mediator to give them advice on what is best for their children or what is likely to happen should they not agree at mediation and go to court instead. Others want a mediator to only use their mediation skills to effect a resolution and would prefer to seek counsel from their own advisers.
Some want their children's views ascertained by a qualified child consultant who informs the mediation. Others see this as unduly stressful for their children.
If a mediation service has a "one size fits all" approach to mediation, then there is reason for concern. Mediation is about the needs of the parties, not those of the mediator.
Look for suitably qualified, experienced and flexible mediators willing to tailor their processes to the needs of their clients. Remember the old adage, "If all the workman has in his toolkit is a hammer, then every job he does will require a nail."
Denise Britton
Co-Principal and Psychologist
Brisbane Mediations
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