When there is conflict between separated couples over parenting and/or property, Mediation is a means of dispute resolution which can be adapted to the needs of the mediating parties and the nature of their dispute.
Sometimes, it is to the advantage of all concerned for a mediation to be conducted and completed over the course of one day, a comprehensive agreement being signed that same day.
In other cases because of: the personalities of the parties, the stage they have reached in respect of their emotional separation, the complexities of their dispute or the availability of the parties or their legal advisers, mediation might be best conducted over a period of time in smaller chunks.
The latter approach allows for parties struggling to adjust to their separation to deal with and adapt to changes in their lives one step at a time. For some, to attempt to make overarching decisions about financial or children's matters once and for all at their first mediation session is simply overwhelming and too daunting.
Time to consider and adapt is something that should never be denied to mediating parties if this is what they believe they need.
Most experienced mediators sensitive to their clients' needs know that some people need to discuss the options on the table with trusted advisers before signing off on an agreement.
Others like to trial the success of new arrangements (particularly in respect of children) before reviewing them and taking a further step. This is especially the case in matters involving very young children whose routines will be significantly altered by the proposed agreement.
Similarly, some parties will want their mediator to give them advice on what is best for their children or what is likely to happen should they not agree at mediation and go to court instead. Others want a mediator to only use their mediation skills to effect a resolution and would prefer to seek counsel from their own advisers.
Some want their children's views ascertained by a qualified child consultant who informs the mediation. Others see this as unduly stressful for their children.
If a mediation service has a "one size fits all" approach to mediation, then there is reason for concern. Mediation is about the needs of the parties, not those of the mediator.
Look for suitably qualified, experienced and flexible mediators willing to tailor their processes to the needs of their clients. Remember the old adage, "If all the workman has in his toolkit is a hammer, then every job he does will require a nail."
Denise Britton
Co-Principal and Psychologist
Brisbane Mediations
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